Dangerously in Love
by Thecastlefan101
Summary: Kate Beckett is a serial killer who kills for personal reasons. When she goes home to her family, who she hasn't seen in years, she meets a man she's never seen before and has a strong urge to kill him. But she can't because he's her moms best friend and so she tries to stay away from him but he keeps pressing to know more about her. So she ends up left with only one thing to do AU
1. Chapter 1

It's a freezing cold day in February and normally she would be tired at two o'clock in the morning but she has never felt more awake, more _alive_.

She gets to go out tonight and it has her nerves on fire. It's been two weeks since she's been out hunting and now that she can she feels almost...giddy?

But she won't pass out, she's waited too long.

She's standing alone on the street, hands in her pockets, trying not to shake too much from the cold. It's not that she doesn't like it, she does, trust and believe she does, it's that it makes her more vulnerable. Makes it easier for her prey to escape.

But either way she loves the cold. That's why she's standing here, on the coldest day of the year, in nothing but a small jacket and some jeans.

The cold. She loves it. It gives her a reminder of why she does this, it reassures her of her hatred. It _fuels_ her.

As the air bites her skin, freezes her insides she laughs. She's never felt anything so delicious before. She loves how it licks at her skin and seeps deep into her bones. Yes she's cold and it'll bite her in the ass if she gets sick, but it's okay because she loves how it feels when she shivers, how her body just succumbs to it.

It's pleasurable pain and to her it's almost everything.

A car stops just a few feet away from her and it gets hard to contain herself. It's been so long and now she finally gets another taste of it, she gets to feel the life leave a body. It's an addiction..._and she's been craving._

She flags down the car in the most sexy way she can. It works.

The car stops right in front of her. Her heart is thumbing loud in her chest, she can hear it beat by beat in her ears. Her bloods boiling and she really really just wants to have her hands on him.

She coaxes him to get out of the car so she can hug him as a thanks for picking her up.

she wraps her arms around the man and with one swift movement pushes him into the car with a hard slam.

"What the hell?" He manages to choke out before she takes his head and bashes it against the windshield. And a few moments later he's out like a light.

She carried him into the forest and laid him down on the snow once she reached a high enough altitude. On the slant of the hill is where she likes to do this. It gives her another psychological edge.

She laid the man so that his head was against the rock.

While she waited for the man to be conscious again she closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the chilling air.

This.

It feels good.

Having total control of another human being, holding their life in your hands, is the ultimate domination. And tonight she's making sure she dominates.

It's a full moon tonight and she looked up at the beautiful light radiating off the rock and smiles. "Hi," she whispers to it. "I'm sending you another friend. You don't have be lonely."

She closed her eyes and let the light give her strength. It's time.

She looks down at her victim. He's waking up.

"How're you doing there buddy?" She asked genuinely. "Does it hurt?" She gestured to his legs. They were both bent backwards.

The man instantly began sobbing. She could hear the pain in his cries, it was driving her wild.

Just wait until he found out about his arms.

"I can only imagine how you must feel. I have something here that could make it better but it would kill you. Do you want it?"

"Who are you?" He asked through clenched teeth.

"Why do they all ask that?" She mused. "Who are you? What do you want? Why are you doing this?" She laughed to herself. "No one ever stops to think about what they did to make me do this. Why don't you Trevor. Tell me what you did," she demanded.

"How do you know my name?"

"I know alot about you Trevor but I looked at your wallet."

"What are you going to do with me?"

"The same thing you were going to do with me," she said as if it was obvious.

"You're going to take me home?" He asked disbelievingly.

"Ha you're funny. Don't think I believe that for one second." Her anger evident in her cold voice.

"What are you talking about?"

"DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" She yelled. "I know what you were going to do to me."

"I wasn't going to do anything," he yelled through clenched teeth. The pain in his legs making it hurt to get too fired up by this woman.

"You're such a liar. And to think," she scoffed. "I considered letting you live."

Kate kneeled down on the ground and straddled Trevor's lap. "Bet you like this," she whispered before wrapping her hands tightly around his neck. "Sick bastard."

When she started suffocating him Trevor instantly began to try to scream and fight her but she had the upper hand. She had tied his arms to strategically around his body that everything he moved one of his arms he inadvertently moved one of his legs too.

So to avoid pain Trevor had to remain still. Whilst he be choked to death.

She could never go two weeks again. This feeling, watching as the life slowly drained away from his body, was too riveting.

As she stared into his deep brown eyes she could see the life leaving his body and so she released her choke hold on his neck, allowing him to breathe again.

He was inhaling so deeply that the sound literally had her swaying. He almost died. The sound of that is just as sweet as heating it fully leave.

Kate reached down and bragged the knife that was tucked into one of her shoes. She held it up for him. She was serious.

"Please don't do this."

"Maybe you should have asked me sooner," she said in an "oops" voice before taking the knife and slashing it across his throat.

Blood spat out at her and landed directly on her face but she didn't care. She simply watched as the life left the mans body, as the lights went out. It was fueling her, it was giving her the strength she desperately needed. It chilled her more than the freezing outside weather could.

She loves it.

She loves the feel of blood against her skin. It's soft and hot, so opposite of her that the temperatures coming together leaves her skin tingling.

And it gets everywhere, it makes a beautiful mess for when she looks at what she's done. So she can assess her magnificent creation.

Trevor's eyes go wide as he takes his last shallow breath. And she looks intently at him, not taking her eyes off his as he dies, slowly, surely, in the palm of her hands.

They finally dim and his body goes limp underneath her.

Finally.

Her release.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Nope. Try again. **

The sun is shining down its warmth, mixing with the cold New York air. It's a welcome contradiction for her. It's bright this morning, Sunday, and she feels cozy inside because Sundays use to be a beautiful day with that person. She thinks about this person all the time, this person helped her become what she is today. She should be a wreck but she's happy the way she is, the life she lives.

Killing is coping, that's her motto.

She's walking down the street of her home, taking in the cinerary, enjoying the cold breeze, the bitingly bitter sweet air. The snow is glistening on the ground around her, shining everywhere and her mind drifts back to the love of her life. The snow reminds her of how much fun they had, or would have had in the snow.

New York. It's not where's she's from and she wasn't raised here either but it's her home. Ever since she left her family 6 years ago she's been here living in the big city. Not because she wants to fulfill long lost dreams or because its a beautiful place to live but because of the crime rates. It's easier to get away with murder here than in Montana.

The population doesn't hurt either. A city of over eight million people, it'd be impossible to find her amongst all of them. And who'd notice one person disappearing every couple of weeks? Well, depending on if she kills up to three people in a week again.

New York has been her back bone, it's winters having been her place of solitude and she just can't imagine a better place to be. She's nobody in this world and that's the way she likes it. Alone and at peace and anonymity.

She stops at a crosswalk to cross the street with a big group of her fellow New Yorkers.

Here she goes by the name Tasha Williamsburg. Apparently she looks just like a Tasha because the people that she does know-her neighbors and colleagues at the library- never forgot her name after she first introduced herself.

It's been so long that she's forgotten her real name. She knows it must start with a k. But she can't be sure.

"Kate?" She hears someone say from behind her. Oh god. She knows she knows that name and that voice. Recognizing both at the same time is sending her mind into whirls. She's dizzy and her heart is beating so fast that she's feels vulnerable and human for the first time in years, years. Her vision is going blurry and her head is so light that it could just float away. But somewhere from deep inside her, a part she saves for when she's in her sanctuary, that finds the courage to turn around at the name at the voice. That annoying voice she knows, that she use to loathe when she was younger. It's not as bad now that she's aged but it's still there. That sharp tick that stabs her in the eyes when she speaks.

Oh damn her courage. She turns and comes face to face with the source of her distress, fights the urge to run to faint.

"Katie!"

Shit. It's cousin Harriet. You know the one with the annoying voice so bad that it makes nails in a chalk board sound beautiful.

"I cannot believe this. How long has it been? How have you been? Goodness it's been so long!"

"He-y," she managed to choke out. "What. Are. You. Doing. Here?"

"I'm touring with a group of friends. I'm meeting up with them in a few minutes. You should come we can totally catch up!"

"Oh you know I would love to but I'm- I'm late for work. So uh nice to see ya." Kate turned around and tried to quickly make her way into the crowd to disappear but Harriet caught her by the shoulder.

"At least give me your number. Everyone still talks about you." Kate swatted her hand in Harriet's face. She didn't want to hear about her family, they were dead to her. She didn't want to hear, she didn't want memories of them flooding back to her. She wanted to forget. She hasn't thought about them in six years! Why now? Her life's been fine...why the hell now?

The odds of her running into Harriet are...astronomical. This should not be happening. No one in her family should even know that she's alive as now one of them has seen her!

"Your dads still a drunk," Harriet blurted out when Kate pushed her and started walking away. They're still on the crosswalk but it's still quite crowed but no one seems to be giving the two women a second thought. "Your mom had an accident about a year and a half ago," she spoke quietly with her head down. As if she were ashamed to be telling her this intimate information. "She's in a chair."

Kate still hasn't turned to face her. She put her hands on her forehead and rubbed small circles because she just doesn't know what to do. She to herself a long time ago to forget and she had forgotten. And life since then had been so sweet but now because of fate here she is having mixed feelings about this.

She's willing herself, forcing herself to say I don't care but the words won't form, they just die on the way up her throat.

_She doesn't care she doesn't care she doesn't care_, she reiterates to herself. It's not working.

_They certainly didn't care that night._

That's it. That's what gets her back to her cold blooded self. She's definitely going to need to go out again soon. "Goodbye Harriet," she says emphasizing the T and walking away. She wanted to punch her in the face for bumping into her, for that annoying screech of a voice.

**You guys want to go on this journey with me? This idea is story that I've been thinking of doing so I would love honest opinions. **

**Also I'm still writing on my phone. See any mistakes don't be afraid to point it out to me. **


	3. Chapter 3

He hates his life. It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. He's supposed to be a famous author living in New York not a small town in Montana. He's supposed to be married and rich. He's supposed to have a great life right now, not this. He shouldn't have to live through the tragedy of what happened three years ago. How did this get so fucked up?

Could it have been when he caught his wife, Meredith, screwing some junkie in their bed? Or when she set their house on fire? Could it have been when she was so busy giving pleasure to a man that wasn't her husband that she didn't notice when their one year old daughter stuck a fork inside of an outlet causing her to be electrocuted? No it was when their daughter, Alexis, was electrocuted, effectively being knocked unconscious so she was easy to forget about when Meredith decided to blow the house up.

She told him that Alexis was being watched at a neighbors house but she lied. Once the police found out the fire was intentional they took her in for questioning where she admitted that she knew Alexis was home and still started the fire. She admitted to the police that she wanted Alexis dead.

She killed their little girl. His beautiful happy, kind hearted ONE YEAR OLD little girl. And since then he couldn't bring himself to leave Montana, even though he wants too.

He had to start his life over again, from scratch. So he changed his name and started working at the only job he could find that was available. Three years ago if he had known that his boss would become his best friend and his family was so welcome he wouldn't have worried so much.

Brent Beckett and his family have been so hospitable to him since the fire. He was offered the manager position at one of the hardware stores the Beckett's owned. Since then he's been living with them and has befriended most of them. The ones that are around anyway.

"Rick," Johanna Beckett called from the living room. "Rick are you here?"

"Hey Jo what is it?" He asked as he approached her in her wheelchair.

"My needle fell under the chair would you mind getting it for me please?" She asked. "I want to finish fixing this bear for Abby."

"Yeah of course." He bent down to get the needle. "Have you seen Brent? We were supposed to be going out and getting a few drinks with the guys."

"No last I seem him was last night before I went to bed. But I did see Paul he's in the shed."

"Alright I'll ask him. Thanks Jo."

Johanna Beckett was, by far, his favorite out of the family. She is a strong independent woman that always finds a reason to smile even though she has many problems of her own. She's paralyzed from the waist down, her husband is an on going alcoholic with anger issues, she lives through her family, she hasn't seen her daughter in years, and she's lonely.

But through it all she still manages to smile and it gives him the strength to get out of bed in the morning and get through the day. It gets hard but he knows that people out there have it worse so he won't complain. And out of his tradgey he was blessed with this wonderful family that took him in when he literally had nothing. All his belongings all of his money he had in that house when Meredith blew it up, so no he won't complain about his life because now he has a family. Even if it is a little broken.

* * *

She wants to be angry, she wants to stomp her feet and slam her apartment door but she doesn't. She knows taking it out on inanimate objects won't help, but it sure would feel good.

How the hell did she get found? Who would've thought that she would run off to New York of all places? And out of all the people in her family who could've found her it had to be Harriet. She's got the biggest mouth in the world, by the end of the day everyone will know where she is.

When she gets to her apartment she quietly closes the door and locks all seven locks before slumping down on the couch. She closes her eyes and leans her head back, she needs to get out of here. It's not safe anymore now that she's been compromised.

She laughs silently at herself. She's been compromised? She makes it sound like she's a spy.

She's really hoping that Harriet got the clue and won't say anything to her family about where she is because if its one thing she knows for sure is that they wouldn't hesitate using their police connections to haul her back over there.

She left for a reason and has no intention of going back. She loves it here in New York, leaving was never something that occurred to her. She gets away with murder easier here than she would anywhere else. Leaving would be a travesty.

New York is her home now and it's not big enough for more than one Beckett family member.

She's getting a headache just thinking about it, the crazy possibility that more if her family will come down from Montana and take over her city. She'll have to go out again tonight to clear her mind. Just the thought of setting her eyes on someone else in her family makes her stomach clench.

If that girl says something then she will kill her. No. Questions. Asked.

* * *

**Thank you :)**


	4. Chapter 4

She's going to kill her. She's going to make her bleed and die a slow painful death. She's going to tie her up to a table and pull out every one of her internal organs until shes begging to be killed. She's going to kill Harriet very very slowly. She deserves to die for what she's done.

Kate told her, she told her not to say anything. And what does she do? She calls the one person she vowed she would never see again even if she had to get hurt in the process.

"Why are you doing this? Can't you just let me go?" She asks shifting slightly from her seat on the train. This is the longest train rude she's ever taken. They've been on it since fivepm yesterday evening and won't be getting off until at least late tonight.

"Sorry Chica no can do. You moms really wants to see you," said sheriff Javier Esposito from turtle lake Montana.

"I really don't care," she said lowly inching her face closer to his to maximize her anger. "Let me go. You can say that you didn't find me."

"Can't do that either. I called Paul told him we were on our way."

"You called Paul?" Kate asked, suddenly getting worried. She hasn't thought about Paul since...

Oh god. She hasn't realized how much she missed him. She wants to see him but at the same time she doesn't want to see him. It'll be to overwhelming to see him after all this time.

"Yeah. You know he's my boy."

"Yeah? You guys are still close?"

"Yep. Me him and Kevin."

"That's great," she said astounded that after six years they're all still great friends but then quickly turned it off.

_No I don't care I don't care_

"Thanks. They're like my brothers."

"That's nice," she whined. "I have to pee."

Esposito stood up from his seat to let Kate up. As she was walking down the aisle of the nearly deserted train she kept sneaking glances back at Esposito to see if he was watching. From what she could tell he wasn't.

Quietly she walked past the bathrooms to the train entrance in the back. Once she had the door open she contemplated what she was going to do. Jumping would most likely kill her, climbing on the side would do her no use, and waiting until the next stop was out of the question because he would notice if she was gone that long. So she prepared herself for the only thing she could do. Jump.

She tied her hair up, zipped up her coat and took a death breath. Pain. Yeah it should be hard to jump if all that's going to happen is a little pain. There's mild chance that she'd die, okay huge chance but it's a chance she's willing to take. The last thing she wants to do is go back home and have to face the music. Or worse.

What if nothing's changed? What if no body cares that she's back? What if they all still blame her? What if they hate her for it? What if they still won't believe her? What if they kick her out? What if they find out what's she's been doing these past six years and how she's been coping? What if they find out who's name she kills in? Would they forgive her? Could she finally forgive them?

Kate's still standing in the doorway of the train, watching as the train speeds past miles and miles of the white winter snow. Should she do it? Should she run?

She bends her knees to jump, hopefully this won't hurt. But before she can make it two centimeters off the ground Esposito is sending her crashing to the ground.

"Ahh," she cried when the back of her head met with the metal wall of the train. Before she could see anything someone was dragging her to her feet to a standing position.

Once she realized it was Esposito she punched him in the face with her elbow. She missed his nose by an inch but it still caught him off guard. He yelled in pain giving her enough time to run down the train to the other train door.

"You're not getting away that easy," he stated coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. Kate tried to flip him but he stopped her. "You really thought you could use my move against me?" He chuckled. "I taught you that before you left. Remember?"

* * *

_**Six years ago **_

_She's hot and sweaty and in so much pain but she doesn't care. She needs this training from Javier. He's a cop so he's teaching her all of the special take down moves. _

_Normally he wouldn't bother teach anybody these moves but he has a soft spot for Kate. Always have. _

_"Now remember. Use the persons weight against them, it's your only advantage."_

_Javier took Kate by the waist for her to learn how to flip him off. He wants her to be able to protect herself whenever she's alone in public. Especially since she's found a job in the Windy City once she finishes college. _

_Kate tries and tries to flip him off of her but she can't seem to do it. "I can't," she whined. _

_"Yeah you can," he said turning around to look into her eyes. Before speaking again he gave her a quick kiss on her lips. "Just focus and follow the steps."_

_After a few more trials Kate finally learns how to do it. She's finally finished all her training and she decides to thank her boyfriend in a very special way._

* * *

"No I don't really remember much of anything."

"You left that night." Kate didn't say anything just listened to him speak because she knew this was coming. "You finished your training, made love to me, then disappeared."

The hurt was evident in his eyes even through the anger. He genuinely cared for this woman and she just left him here without a word, without a goodbye. He's still grieving over it.

"Just let me go Javi."

"Not a chance in hell," he whispered. In one swift move he had had Kate on her back with her hands hand cuffed together. Once they got back to their seat he handcuffed her to hers. "Now you can't leave."

"I don't want to go home Javi. I don't want to see them."

"Why not!"

"Because of what they did to me!" She exclaimed.

"Oh what? You still crying wolf?"

That's it. There it is right there. If he still didn't believe her then why would anyone else. Are they only dragging her home to see if she confesses? If she tells them that she was lying?

_What the hell?_

Harriet is _so_ going to feel her wrath.

They finally arrive at turtle lake Montana at eleven thirty at night and she couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep on the train so she's super tired right now. She doesn't put up a fight until they're standing outside her parents home.

They still own this gigantic house, she thought. No wonder everyone lives here.

"Every one is sleep so I'll just show you to your room. Unless you want me to handcuff you to your bed I advise you to stay there."

"Point taken," she mumbles.

She doesn't remember when she fell asleep or when she entered the house but what she could remember is feeling at home and safe for the first time in years.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so very sorry to have to tell you guys this but due to recent events I have to discontinue this story. I can tell you that something terrible happened but I don't want to get into detail. I'm so sorry again I had high hopes for this story. **

**i won't be able to write for quite some time but I hope I can earn you guys forgiveness. I've got amazing people who love this story and it breaks my heart to have to stop. **

**If you read any of my other three stories I'm sorry but I don't know if I'll be able to do those either. Maybe I'll get lucky and all this will go away but I don't wanna get my hopes up. **

**I'm so sorry again**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey I'm back! **

**First I wanna say thank you for everybody who wished me well and kept this story **  
**on alert. And I wanna say Thankyou for giving me time to fix what was going on **  
**with me. I so owe you guys. You're the best fans a writer could have and I feel **  
**honored that you waited for me. **

**Everything is okay now although something's are different. Again thank you all **  
**soooo much. I hope to have regular updates for you guys not only for this story **  
**but my others as well. **

**Thank you again for giving me the time to work through everything. :)**

* * *

_Previously on: Dangerously in Love_

_Kate's a serial killer and we have yet to figure out why. She left home six _  
_years ago and hasn't seen or spoken to any of her family since. She's originally _  
_from Montana but moved to New York. _

_Then one day she ran into one of her cousins on the streets of New York. That _  
_cousin, Harriet, td her how some of her family was doing then when they went _  
_their separate ways she told people where she was. _

_Alittle while later Javier Esposito, a sheriff and ex-boyfriend of Kate came to _  
_pick her up. Kate put up a fight of course so he knocked her out. They had to _  
_take the train so the ride took a few hours. When they returned to Montana it _  
_was late everyone was asleep so Kate let sleep over come her and didn't fight _  
_when Javier put her in her old room for the night._

* * *

Since Kate left home six years ago she's never really felt at home anywhere. All  
the places she's lived have just been temporary depending on the job she had at  
the time. So sleeping here at her actual home has her feeling warm inside, a  
feeling she's grown to hate over the years, but finds herself liking it as if  
she's been secretly craving it all this time.

Javier packed her enough clothes so that she could stay a month at least. She  
doesn't know if she should stay that long. She doesn't want to be sucked up back  
into this world only to be hurt again. Especially not by those who wronged her  
the first time. Not by those who caused her to suffer the worst pain a woman  
could suffer from.

She's very nervous now. She never meant to sleep the whole night she intended to  
sneak away while everyone was sleeping so she wouldn't have to stay the whole  
month and no one would see her. But she just couldn't bring herself to get up  
and go. She was in her old room and everything is the way she left it six years  
ago as if nothing has changed. That says alot to her based off of how she left  
things between certain people.

Although the house is pretty big she can still here everyone down in the kitchen  
and she knows they'll be waiting for her "grand entrance." How many people know  
she's here? She knows that Paul and Javier know but anyone else? Who is here  
anyway?

What if people don't want to see her? What if they're so hurt that they ask her  
to leave? She doesn't think she can do this. Yes she kills people and when she  
does she's in control and has no fear but the thought of walking down those  
steps scare the living shit out of her. But she can't let them see weakness she  
has to stay strong.

Kate brushed her hair down and took slow steps down the stairs. She really  
didn't know what to expect but mainly she wasn't expecting to be feeling this  
nervous. She thought she'd be pissed that she has to lay eyes on her family  
again but she's not. She's actually excited, there are so many people she misses  
and can't wait to see again.

There were so many things left unfinished when she left, so many things left  
unsaid. Is this a second chance? Should she take it as one?

Kate's taking her time going down the steps enjoying the scenery. The same  
pictures are on the walls as she goes down. One of her when she was ten another  
of her parents and a last one of all three of them. She remembers those times  
before the heartache started.

When she reaches the bottom of the stairs she skips the last one because it  
squeaks. (She doesn't want to make herself known yet) The kitchen is around the  
corner through the living room.

Kate remembers Christmas' in this room. It was always-

No.

She needs to stop. No more of this, whatever it is that she's doing. Memory lane  
is closed, shut down, resolved, or out of order WHATEVER! She doesn't want to  
think about her old life she doesn't want to remember. It's too painful. And  
plus she can't betray her. She's the reason why she kills people.

She cant do this her heart is racing and her hands are trembling and her  
breathing is shallow. Why didn't she run when she had the chance?

Wait. Everyone's in the kitchen she can go now!

Shit someone just walked out.

"Hey. Good morning," Javier greeted coming out of the kitchen. "'Bout time you  
got up girl."

"How many people are here?"

"More than necessary. We had a family reunion yesterday some people decided to  
stay. And you know after you left Jo let people live with her."

"Like who?" She asked curiously.

"Maybe you should come look for yourself," he said walking back into the  
kitchen.

So he didn't tell anyone she was here. Why is she so nervous? God, she panicking  
inside. It's just her family.

It's just her family.

It's just her family.

It's just her family.

It's just her family.

It's just her family.

And she's scared as shit. She hasn't see or spoken to them in six years! Why is  
this happening to her? It's just the family that tore her in two and kept  
ripping until there was nothing left of her, until they were practically  
screaming for her to leave.

Kate took in a deep breath and walked towards the kitchen. One foot at a time.  
Right foot left foot. Jeez she didn't think it would be this hard.

When she hears laughter is when she decides to step into the room. The kitchen  
looks the same just bigger than she remembers or maybe it's just been that long.

No one notices her when she first walked in. So she took a moment to look around  
the room and see who's there. There are multiple children at the back table who  
she does not recognize and more men than woman. Her family has always been male  
dominated but seeing it now really makes her see. Since there are so little  
females she can understand how badly her six year absence has affected them.

They're talking about what uncle Robert did last night and laughing at the way  
he was dancing. Apparently he still thinks he's got it but the thing is uncle  
Rob never had it in the first place. He was always a terrible dancer but her  
aunt use to tell her he was very smooth with the ladies. That's how he got her.

She remembers the stories her uncle Rob use to tell her. More so the ones about  
his car. He told some inappropriate ones to her when she was younger but she  
always appreciated him treating her like a grown up;never like a little child.

"Mommy who's that woman?" A little girl asks pointing directly at Kate. That's  
when everyone turns their attention to silently stare at the woman they haven't  
seen in years.


	7. Chapter 7

She doesn't know what to do. She's never been in this kind of situation before  
and she doesn't know how to handle it. Everyone is staring at her and she  
doesn't know whether to wave or say hi or smile. She really wishes someone would  
speak up and save her but no one is and it's getting to awkward to handle. Now  
she's wishing that she would've left as soon as the opportunity presented  
itself.

Right when she gathers the courage to speak she sees people moving over to the  
side to let through a woman in a wheel chair. As if she's the queen of the  
house. It doesn't dawn on her who it is until she's looking at her full frontal.  
Her name is Johanna, she's her mother. The very woman that pushed her  
practically forced her to leave in the first place.

"Help me up," Johanna demanded reaching her hand up to anyone willing to help.  
Javier rushed over to help her. Kate wanted to protest to tell her she didn't  
have to get up but she saw the determination in her mothers eyes. Johanna was  
going to do this regardless of Kate's or anybody else's protests.

Javier helped walked Johanna over to Kate. Kate didn't know if she should meet  
her half way or let her walk but when she decided to take a step closer Javi  
shook his head at her silently telling her to let Johanna do this. She hasn't  
seen her mom in six years but one thing she never forgot was just how strong her  
mother is. So strong in fact that she's not going to let her paralysis stop her  
from walking to her daughter.

"Katie," she whispered more so to herself than Kate. She reached her free hand  
out to her when she got close enough wrapping it around her neck. When she was  
fully over to Kate Johanna hugged her tightly. "I've missed you so much," she  
said lowly so only Kate could hear. She squeezed tightly holding onto Kate as if  
to remind herself that it's real; hoping that she won't disappear.

Kate didn't respond she didn't even hug her back. She was just so bewildered at  
her mothers actions. She was expecting an interrogation; asking all the basic  
questions. "Where were you? What have you been doing? Who have you been with?"  
But instead she literally is getting greeted with open arms.

As badly as she wants to shove her mother away in reference to all the pain  
she's caused she can't. The need to be held and loved is taking over and it's  
scaring the shit out of her because for the past six years she always just  
wanted to be alone.

Slowly Kate settles herself into her mothers arms, wrapping hers tightly around  
her mothers back and closing her eyes. It feels good to be held again it's still  
weird and awkward but a part of her thinks that's okay because they still have  
a lot to work out and many things between them that was left unsaid. It's okay  
that it's awkward now because when it's time for her to go it'll make it easier  
for her to leave. Instead of becoming attached.

"I missed you too," Kate said. She didn't know whether she said it because she  
meant it or if it was to humor her mother. Either way she decided it was best  
not to think about it at least not now when she's holding her mother.

Wow. She's hugging her mother. She never thought the day would come.

At her words she felt her mothers hold tighten around her back. Apparently she  
wasn't expecting her to say it back. Clearly Johanna does remember what happened  
the last time she saw her daughter.

"I'm so happy you stayed. I'm so happy you're here!" Kate just smiled  
hesitantly. "Alright can I have my chair?" She more so demanded than asked.  
"Thank you."

"Come here girl," Javi said. "I know you're upset with me but you'll get over  
it." She rolled he eyes at him but have him a hug anyway.

She guessed it was the fact that her mother hugged her first because now  
everyone is getting up and coming over to hug her now and welcome her home.  
She'd never admit this out loud but she accepted them without hesitation.

* * *

After the children were off to school Kate and a few other people remained in  
the kitchen. She knew the interrogation would be coming but what she didn't know  
was how easily she would share stories with her family.

"So where do you live now Katie?" Johanna asked handing her a plate of French  
toast.

"Thanks. I live in New York."

"Really? I've always wanted to go there!" Exclaimed her aunt Deborah. "Harriet's  
down there now did you see her."

Kate stole a look at Javier and her mother, she knows they know that she bumped  
into Harriet and that's why she's here now. "Yeah yeah actually I did see her."

"Oh did she make you wanna come home sweetie?"

"Sort of yes." From out the corner of her eye she saw Javier cover his smile.

When Kate took her first bite of French toast her first instinct was to close  
her eyes. It's been so long since she's had her moms cooking and with this now  
she truly feels at home.

"Mom." Wow that word certainly is foreign on her tongue. "You made these?" She  
asked using her fork to point to the food.

"Yeah is it okay?" Johanna's face scrunched up in worry that her daughter didn't  
like it.

"It's better than okay," Kate muttered quickly before taking another bite  
causing Johanna to smile.

"So Kate are there any men in your life?"

She couldn't help it Kate smiled brightly at her aunts question. If only she  
knew just how many men are in her life. "A few."

"Ooo will we get to meet him?"

"There isn't a man I'm seeing right now so no you guys wouldn't get to meet  
him."

"Enough about boys!" Her uncle Weston shouted. "Tell me about what you're doing.  
Did you finish med school?"

Kate took a sip of milk before answering his question. "Yes I did. It took a lot  
of money to pay for it so I wanted to see it through."

"Great! That's absolutely wonderful."

"I didn't do my residency though. It was too expensive by myself so I kinda went  
from job to job depending on where I lived. Now I work at the library."

"You've just been working small jobs?" Asked Johanna.

"Yeah. Anything to get me buy. Telling people I went to med school helps though.  
I never had to do anything like strip or stand on a corner."

"That's a relief," her uncle says.

Now that she's finished breakfast everyone crowded around her in the living room  
because they want to know what she's been up too. They want to know what she's  
really been doing these past six years and what living in New York is like. No  
one here with the exception of her Javier and Johanna have been outside of  
Montana so hearing about it is extremely fascinating to them.

"So my first day in New York was a piece of cake."

"With no money and no contacts?" Asked Javi disbelievingly.

"Yeah. When I got there I walked into a bad side of a neighborhood. Everyone was  
fighting and one of the police officers saw me and knew It wasn't my scene. He  
took me down to the station where he gave me this long lecture about running  
away into strange places blah blah I think he thought I was like twelve." She  
rolled her eyes at the memory. "He told one of the officers to give me a ride  
home and gave me three hundred dollars. I told the cop to take me to the four  
seasons." She paused to see everyone's reaction. "I was a little banged up so  
when I got there the guy at the desk let me stay in one of the rooms for a  
night. I think that's a good first night."

Of course she left out the parts where she had to give him a blow job so she  
could stay and how in the morning he was her first victim. That was the morning  
she decided she wasn't going to let men use her anymore.

"Wow. That was one hell of a good first day."


	8. Chapter 8

After breakfast Kate went up to her room for a minute. She needed some space,  
some time away from everyone and their questions. She doesn't want to answer  
questions she just wants to be for the time being, until she can go. She didn't  
sign up for this so why in the hell should she be forced to answer questions  
anyway?

In her room she took the time to look around and see all that she left behind,  
all the things she deemed unimportant to take with her to New York. Several  
books and notebooks many articles of clothing and pictures of people she vowed  
to never see again. Many of them are downstairs. But a couple were friends from  
high school that did something stupid to end their friendship.

Kate laid down on her bed and closed her eyes. She can do this. It's only her  
family and it's only for a month or so. She can't help but wonder if all their  
problems will come up again or if they're going to keep up pretending nothing  
ever happened. As much as she would love to keep everything buried that way she  
can leave without guilt she wants something to come up. She doesn't want to go  
the rest of her life feeling this strong hatred towards her family.

And what really sucks is that the members of the family who didn't do anything  
were punished too. Yeah she could've kept in contact with them over the years  
but she was so hurt at the time she didn't want to speak to anyone.

Ugh! She flipped over and buried her face in her pillow. Why did this have to  
happen? All it's doing is complicating things.

Before she was here she never dreamed of seeing her family again but now that  
she's here her hatred has subsided a little. She honestly did miss them, she  
missed waking up to laughter, and having breakfast with her mom. She missed it  
but she won't allow herself to divest in it. She still hasn't forgiven her for  
what she's done.

Why is this happening to her?

Kate groaned loudly when someone knocked on her door. She just needs sometime  
alone for a while. Is that too much to ask?

"Come in," she said sitting up on her bed. When the door opened and Kate laid  
her eyes on the man walking in her heart skipped a beat. She honestly thought  
her eyes were deceiving her. She never thought she'd see him again she never  
thought he's want to see her again. But here he is, in the flesh. All six feet  
three of him.

"They told me you were here I had to see for myself."

"Paul?"

"Hey Katie."

She took another moment to take him in before she jumped up and force herself  
into his arms. She had her arms wrapped around his neck and her face buried in  
the crook of it.

"I missed you so much," he whispered in her ear.

"Me too."

"I don't care where you've been or what you've been doing I'm just glad you're  
back."

Kate didn't respond she just held him tighter. In all these six years she's  
never once thought about Paul. The memory of leaving him was still to fresh  
still to raw to face yet. If she would have kept him in mind or even tried to  
contact him it would've been enough to make her change her mind about leaving.  
And she couldn't have that. Leaving is what she set her mind too so no she about  
to let a guy stop her. Even a guy as wonderful as Paul.

Paul and Kate. Best friends since the early days of grade school.

No matter how bad the situation was Paul was always there for her and her for  
him. They were inseparable growing up and even when they each were in  
relationships. Paul helped her through some of the problems she had to face when  
times just started getting rough. Like when she was seventeen and she had a  
miscarriage. That devastated her but Paul eased her pain, made it bearable  
enough to get out of bed in the morning.

"God Kate you don't realize how long it's been."

"I know trust me I know."

Paul released his death grip on Kate but kept her at arms length so he could get  
a good look at her.

"You've changed so much," he said taking in a breath of air. "But you're exactly  
the same."

"Should I take this as a compliment?"

"Yes. You look good for fifty."

Kate scoffed and punched him in the arm. "Real funny."

"I'm kidding. I know how old you are. I've been keeping track of your birthday.  
You turned 31 this past November."

"You totally mean 29 right? I haven't hit my thirties yet."

"Oh yes forgive me. I must be mistaken," he joked.

Kate smiled up at him and she was reminded of the real reason why she never  
contacted him. She was in love him and she knew that all he had to do was ask  
her to come home and she would. That's why she never even told him she was  
leaving.

The night that she left she wrote him a note to find in the morning. It said  
that if they ever find each other again that they'd be together. Wouldn't now  
count? She doesn't know but she also doesn't bring it up because they can't be  
together, she's not staying. She intends on leaving and not coming back.

"Your forgiven. So tell me what have you been up to?"

"Oh you know just running the world."

"Yeah that's nothing special," she laughed. "But seriously."

"I am serious. I inherited my dads company after college. He trusted me to run  
it and so far we've been doing great."

"Oh I'm so happy for you!"

"Thank you. What about you?"

It doesn't matter how close they ever were or how much they love each other she  
will never ever tell him that she kills people. He doesn't need that fact coming  
back to the forefront of his mind every time he looks at her or hears about  
someone being killed and thinking its her doing.

"I finished med school."

"Thank you," he said hugging her. "So many people thought you were going to drop  
out but I had faith in you. I knew you wouldn't."

She smiled brightly at him. "Thank you. It means alot."

"So doctor Beckett?"

"Yes and no. I've got my doctorate degree but I never did my residency so I  
don't have a medical license."

"Why didn't you do it?"

Kate shrugged not really in the mood to answer anymore questions. "Money I  
guess. A thousand dollars here is five dollars in New York."

"You really moved to New York? Your dream place?"

"Yeah. Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Forgive me but i never thought you'd do it by yourself. Otherwise I would've  
came for you."

"It's a good thing you didn't. New York is not your scene at all."

"I would've brought you back home Kate," he said as if it was the most obvious  
thing in the world.

"Oh well excuse me," she laughed. Now she's really happy he never came.


	9. Chapter 9

**This is short because i wanted to sum up a few things.**

"You wanna take a walk with me?" Paul asked linking his fingers with Kate's.

"Where?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Wherever the path takes us."

Kate smiled at him. "Sure. But I don't really remember my way around here so  
you're gonna have to navigate."

"Okay great. Grab your coat and meet me downstairs."

"Got it."

When Kate came downstairs to walk with Paul she heard loud laughter coming from  
the living room. Then a voice that sounded familiar but she just couldn't place  
it.

"Kevin?"

The group of men all stopped talking and turned to face her.

"Well I'll be damned," he muttered.

"Kevin Ryan?"

"Kate it's nice to see you again."

"Little Kevin Ryan!" She said holding her hand out to indicate how short he was.

"Not so short anymore huh? Come give me a hug."

Kate gave him a hug but his grip on her was a little too tight. "Can't breathe!"

"Oh sorry," he said letting her go.

"Kevin Ryan. Oh my gosh you became a cop?"

"Yes I did. I wanted to venture out and do my own thing instead taking over the  
family business."

"Last time I saw you, you were a freshman in high school. Did you go to  
college?"

"Community for two years then I applied to the academy."

"That's great. It's so good to see you."

"You too Kate."

She gave him one last smile before she turned to Paul silently telling him she  
was ready to go.

* * *

When they were coming back from their walk Paul stopped Kate on the front porch.

"Kate I've got to ask," he said placing his hands on her her shoulders. "Do you  
remember what your note said?"

She sighed and looked away from him. "Yes."

"I don't know about you but clearly I still have feelings for you. Tell me how  
you feel."

"Paul I'm not staying," she said looking up at him. "I had no intention of  
staying in Montana."

"I'll come with you."

"No. Paul listen so t get me wrong clearly we still have something but it's not  
the right time. I know it's been six years but I'm still working my life out."

"I understand. But as long as you're here I won't give up." Kate just smiled and  
shook her head. It's going to be a long couple of weeks. "I'll win you over and  
I'll start with this."

Paul pulled her in closer and captured her mouth with his. It was a gentle and  
sweet kiss but there was something missing.

"Come on," she said when he let her go. "Lets get inside."

* * *

Rick Castle has been trying to be grateful for the life that he was given but  
this isn't his dream. He's been writing for as long as he can remember and it's  
the only thing that gives him joy.

It's been three years since his wife was arrested for killing his daughter and  
since then he hasn't even looked at a woman. He's lonely and tired of living  
this mediocre life.

He's so thankful that Brent and Johanna took him in and have welcomed him with  
open arms but he has to get out. He doesn't want to live off of them anymore.  
It's about time he repaid them for everything they've done but he's got nothing.  
He's been saving up to get a place of his own but what he's making at the  
hardware store only gets him so far.

He needs to get out he feels like Montana has him bound by chains and won't let  
him go. Every time he struggles the chain gets tighter.

But at the same time he feels so bad for Johanna. She doesn't have too many good  
things going for her and he would feel so guilty if he just got up and left. He  
couldn't do that to her.

So what can he do? He's stuck here in this dreadful place for the rest of his  
life!

"Hey Brent!" He called.

"Yeah," he said standing up but hitting his head on the open tray above him. "Ow  
yeah!"

"You know anybody that's hiring? I need some extra cash."

"For?"

"I'm going on a trip so I know I'll need some extra money."

"A trip? Where?" He asked sitting a big crate of lumber on the counter.

"New York."

"Why for that book you're always writing? About time you did something about  
it."

"Thanks man. So do you?"

"I think old man Joe is looking for someone."

"At that fancy buffet?"

"Yeah. Needs someone younger to watch the people, make sure ain't nobody  
stealing."

"How much?"

"I don't know. You'd have to ask him," he said sticking a toothpick in his  
mouth.

"Alright thanks."

"Yeah and hey I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Go ahead," he said helping Brent put the wood onto the higher shelf. He's two  
heads shorter than Rick.

"Cindy wanted me to ask you if you think she's cute."

Rick snorted. "Did she really?"

"No she'd kill me if she found out I said something. But she talks about you all  
the time. It's driving me crazy!"

Cindy is one of Brent's girlfriends friends. They come around to the store  
sometime.

"I'll talk to her. How about that? But I'm not interested."

"You don't think she's cute?"

"No no she's fine I guess but I'm not really looking for a relationship. I wanna  
get my life together first."

"I understand. Hey help me restock the shelves."

"Can't reach those either," he teased.

"Funny man."

**Guess who's gonna meet for the first time next chapter? ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

Since she just got here and everyone's happy to see her again it'd be rude to say no when someone asked her to do them a favor. That's why she currently being dragged into a bridal store to pick out dresses with her mom and her aunt Deborah.

Apparently, in her absence, her aunt Deborah and Uncle Lennie got a divorce and now she's remarrying to a car salesman. Her Aunt wants her "expert" opinion about which dress she should wear. Her mother saw the look of disapproval on Kate's face when her aunt first asked her to go and said she'd come along with her if she went.

So here she is with her mother and her aunt listening to stories about old times. If it weren't for the fact that she's in a good mood because of Paul she would definitely be complaining.

"So what type of dress are you looking for? Asked one of the store clerks.

"Something that will shock and amaze my fiancé," replied her aunt.

"Maybe you would like to go with strapless? Do you want a train?"

"Ugh! No no trains they're so cliché," Kate said.

"You think so?" Her aunt looked displeased with Kate's statement.

"Yeah. What are your wedding colors?"

"White and green."

"Green?"

"It's a pretty green Katie trust me. I think you might like it," Johanna butted in. Hoping Kate would get the hint.

"Okay. For you auntie I think we should go strapless with a green belt or any other accents. Now it has to be made out of the same material as the dress."

"Our belted dresses are over there," spoke the clerk. "Some do have trains."

"I think I wanna train," her aunt said.

"Then we shall get one," Johanna said looking at Kate so she wouldn't argue.

When the women relocated them back to the front of the store, they were facing the giant store windows. Across the street was a hardware store where men were gathered around talking. One man in particular caught Kate's eye. He was tall, stood over most men in the group without being overbearing. He was dressed in jeans and a long black coat. From what Kate could tell, he looked modestly handsome. She felt a pang in her chest.

Before her thought could take her anywhere else her aunt called her attention. "This is the closest shade to my color. What do you think?"

"I like it. Try it on and we'll go from there." Kate turned her attention back to the window but the man was gone.

"Kate help me look for other dresses, said Johanna. "If that dress doesn't work, we need to find another. We could always buy accents that would blend with the overall wedding colors."

"I don't know what she likes. I've never bee dress shopping before."

Johanna looked at Kate questionably, like she didn't believe her.

"I borrowed my friends dress when Keith and I got married. We didn't have much funding and plus I didn't want to try on dresses while pregnant."

Johanna sighed and nodded her understanding. That was a difficult time for her. "But still if you like it she probably will too."

"Just because she's my godmother doesn't mean she has to like everything I do."

"I know. But just please. This would mean so much to her Katie. Try your best."

"Okay. I'll try."

"What do you think?" Deborah asked coming out of the dressing room and standing on the platform in front of the floor length mirror.

"Babe you look amazing!" Exclaimed Johanna before turning in her chair to go to the other side of the store.

"I don't like the hemline," Kate said. "At least in the front. I can see your feet. If this is the one you want then we should get that lengthened." Kate heard the front door open but paid it no mind. "And the neck and waistlines are off. It's making you look fat."

"Well that's no way to talk to someone. Have you no manners?" The man yelled at Kate. Before she could respond, he turned his attention to Deborah. "That dress looks lovely on you."

"Thank you," she said. "But she's right. I'll want to get that tightened. And the neckline lowered."

Deborah retreated into the changing room leaving Kate temporarily alone with the man. Now that she's gotten a good look at him, she realizes that it's the same man she was looking at from across the street. Handsome did not do him justice. He has light brown hair and deep blue eyes. They're beautiful but she'd never admit that to him.

"So that's the dress you're getting?" Kate asked before her aunt disappeared.

"I don't know. I want to look some more. And I've got a couple extra days to look into some other shops."

"Okay. Keep looking." Kate turned to glare at the man then proceeded to look through bride's maid dresses. If she's going to help with the wedding, it could be useful to have an early start on the bride's maid dresses.

The man waited for Deborah to drop out of earshot before turning back to Kate. "I don't know who you think you are but that woman in there is already sensitive about her weight. The last thing she needs is some monstrosity coming in here telling her she's fat! She's sensitive. How dare you be so disrespectful?"

Kate cleared her throat and stood to stand directly in front of him so he would know how serious she was. "Who do you think you are? She asked for my opinion! And what woman doesn't have body image issues? It's her wedding I doubt she'd want to look like she's carrying a bag of potatoes underneath her dress. That would make any woman sensitive. At least I'm trying to save her from embarrassment!"

Before either, one could stop it they were standing face to face, staring at each other through angry eyes. It's then that she really sees how tall he is. Although she did see, his gaze soften a little when he turned to her. Being so close now, she can smell him. He smelled like old pine and she could smell something else, something that must be him because she likes it. She wants to get closer but she can't, not without giving herself away.

Standing so close to him is making her dizzy and her vision blurry. Her heart rate picked up and she felt her hands start trembling. She doesn't know what's going on but she really hopes it's not what she thinks it is. She can't be attracted to this man. She can't be. She isn't. No no no.

His eyes are capturing her, sending her into an unknown world where she's free. Free of the chains and binds holding her and free to let her heart decide what's best. And right now staring into this mans eyes is telling her that he is what her heart wants.

But it must be wrong because this man was just incredibly rude to her and she has a strong urge to kis-kill him. Kill him! He'd make the perfect victim with his narcissism and pomposity. Okay maybe not so much narcissism but she can tell he has an arrogant side to him.

"Why are you even here?" She asked after a few moments to end their staring contest.

"I saw a friend. Thought I'd drop by and say hello. Is that a problem?"

"Whatever," was all she was able to say because her aunt came out of the dressing room.

"What's going on you two?" she asked.

That's when the man backed away and never gave her a second look. "I," Kate made sure she spoke loudly. "Am stepping out!"

"Maybe that's best!" he shouted.

She quickly threw on her coat and left the shop. She's coming back but she just needs time to cool down. She's mad and she's finding herself strangely aroused. What the hell was with that man? He needs to learn how to mind his own business and to stay out of other people's conversations. She'll show him the consequences of doing such things.

But she's never killed here before…

She's taking the attraction that she feels toward him as having the right to kill him. As soon as she can get him alone. What else could this feeling be?

Rick wasn't expecting to have an altercation with anyone when he walked into the bridal shop. But when he heard what that woman said to Deborah, he lost it. She's already a very sensitive woman and the smallest amount of criticism could send her spiraling. When he first got to know her, she was fresh off her divorce and in a very vulnerable place. Since then he's been doing everything he can to boost her self-esteem.

He's never laid eyes on the woman in the shop before today and he finds this weird because this is a very small town, neighborhood at that. Even though he doesn't approve of how she treated, his friend when she turned around and he saw her he felt his heart skip a beat. She was the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes on. Her eyes were a piercing green that saw right through him. And her hair was long and from what he could tell looked soft, like silk. It took everything in him not to reach out and run his fingers through it.

From what he can tell about her attitude is that she's a woman who knows how to carry herself. She knows what she wants and she gets it. He likes independent woman but he can tell that with this one it goes beyond that. There's something about her that caught not only his eye but also his attention. He felt something when they were standing face to face. And when they were just staring, he had the strongest urge to kiss her. He's never felt this way before with any other woman. No other woman has ever had him so heightened in his awareness before.

He want to know who she is, he wants to get to know her. But the odds of them meeting again are slim to none. And even if they did, she most likely wouldn't want anything to do with him.

"Rick!" Johanna called. "What're you doing here?"

"I saw you from across the street. Thought I'd come say hi."

"Well thank you so much. It's nice to see you. You should bring Brent for dinner tonight. I have a surprise for him."

"Okay I will. He might want to try to bring his girlfriend though. Is that alright?"

"Yeah yeah. That's even better."

"What is it?" he asked. "Money? A car?"

"No no it's a who. And that's all I'm gonna say." Johanna absentmindedly scanned the shop for Kate and silently thanked her for disappearing. She wants to wait before she has them meet.

"Okay," he laughed. "I'll find out tonight then. Look I gotta get back to work. Tell Deborah I liked that dress she had on and not to listen to jealous bridesmaids."

"Huh?"

"Nothing just this woman told Deborah she looked fat. Then kept shopping for a bridesmaid dress. It was unbelievable." He didn't mention how unbelievably attracted to her he was.

"She's lucky I didn't hear her."

"Yeah. You've rolled over her." Johanna chuckled. "I'll see you later," Rick said bending down to kiss her on the cheek.

"Bye. Don't forget Brent!"

"I won't I promise."

Rick went back to the hardware store to relay the message to Brent. But on his way out, he saw her coming out of the coffee shop across the street. He wanted to avoid her but at the same time he wants to be close to her. He has to pass her to get back to work anyway.

She's carrying three coffees on a tray and has her head down. When she looks up they're face to face again. Neither one of them say anything, just stare. He can tell she's still angry but he thinks he detects a hint of amusement maybe in there as well. Maybe she's been laughing at him.

"Can I help you?" She asked annoyingly.

"You can step out of my way."

"How about you get out of mine? Be a gentleman."

"I'm only a gentleman to woman who deserve it, who are sweet. Unlike you."

She leaned in closer to him and whispered. "Well that just makes you look like a jackass."

While she walked away, Rick turned and watched her. She's definitely a woman he wants to get to know. A challenge. But at the same time something is telling him to steer clear of her. He's so confused. No woman has ever done this to him.

He's distracted for the rest of the day because he can't get this woman out of his head.

**I'm dying to know what you guys think!**


	11. Chapter 11

They didn't find Deborah's dream dress today. Johanna said she'd keep helping but she can tell Deborah's starting to lose faith. She's hoping maybe later she can cheer her sister up.

Kate was happy that she finally was home from the bridal shop.

Whoa. She's happy that she got to leave the bridal shop to come back to her old home. She was tired of looking at dresses. With any luck she won't have to continue shopping. She hates weddings and marriage and anything that has to do with it. On the car ride back she did however mention the rude man once. Johanna couldn't believe it and Deborah just shook her head. She didn't talk about him any more than that because he simply wasn't worth it. And she didn't need them thinking she was smitten. She isn't.

When they arrived back to the old house Johanna started on cooking dinner. She always cooks for a big crowd so she knows it's better to start early. People will start arriving soon and she'd like to have something cooked for the little children. Every night is kind of like a family night in the Beckett house and Johanna is always welcoming people to join.

She's always loved to cook so when she had her accident, her and her husband Jim, had to renovate practically the entire house so everything was reachable to her. Some cabinets are high enough and some are too high so she needs help to reach them. But for the most part everything is fine and within her limits.

Kate was just going to go up to her room for the night when she saw her mother, aunt, and cousin start cooking. She remembers when she was in the kitchen cooking and cleaning and just having a great time with her. If it's one thing she missed in those six years it's hanging out with her mom. And even though she's angry at her, _so so_ angry at her, she finds herself going into the kitchen to help her cook for all these people. Maybe she'll even find herself laughing. She hasn't really laughed in a long time and it might feel good to do it again.

"Hey ladies," she announced. "Need any help?"

A few hours later with all the help in the kitchen they managed to get dinner done and served. Kate decided to eat later once everyone started to settle down. She was more interested in watching everyone interact with each other.

Her family has always been close with each other but since she left it feels as if they've gotten closer. Kate feels left out but she can't blame anyone but herself. But what is she saying now? They basically forced her to go, of course she'd be the one missing them.

Kate leaned against the counter and continued to watch her family. So many of them are here and she's receiving hugs from the people who weren't here this morning to welcome her home. They asked her if she's well, how she's been doing, and where's she's been. All the basic "I haven't seen you in six years" questions. She doesn't want to answer anymore but they deserve the answers. Not all her family was awful to her.

As she looks around she does see so many people but she finds that some are missing. Kevin and Javi just walked in but they aren't family, just friends that have been here a long time. Who knew they'd stick around after she left? Maybe it's for the free food. But then again it's wrong to think that low of them especially Kevin. He's done absolutely nothing wrong.

"HEY! What's up everybody?" yelled some man that just walked in. From behind he looked familiar but Kate couldn't pinpoint why. He hugged everyone while coming in and when he turned to the kitchen to come say hello to his mother. But when his eyes landed on Kate he stood frozen.

Kate couldn't believe what she was seeing either. She knew someone was missing! "Brent?"

"Katie!" He said running to give her a hug. The night she left Kate told her brother that she loved him and that one day she would come back. She had no intention of coming back but she thought that she could at least give her little brother some hope. "I cannot believe this. You're here!"

"Yes yes I'm here. I can't believe it either." She will not mention how she was forced to come.

"Well I'll be damned. What the hell sis? How've you been?" he went back in to hug her again.

"I've been getting by. What about you? You've definitely gotten taller. The last time I've seen you, you were at my feet," she teased holding out her hand to show more how short he use to be.

"Ha-ha funny. Now I'm taller than you."

"By like half an inch!" she scoffed.

"Still counts."

"Nuh huh."

"Uh huh."

"Nuh huh." She bumped him in the shoulder.

"You're in denial."

Kate snorted. "You're the one in denial shorty."

"Oh like I haven't heard that one before!"

"Hey! You gonna stand there and argue with your sister or are you gonna come say thank you to you mother?" Asked Johanna already rolling over to them.

"Kate's my surprise?" On Johanna's nod Brent continued. "Oh you could've kept that."

Both Kate's and Johanna's jaws dropped. "I was kidding."

"Yeah you better be," Johanna threatened when Brent started walking back in Kate's direction. "Um where's your girlfriend?"

"With Rick. She was gonna drive up with Cindy but she's got her stuck at the hardware store."

"Why?"

"You know Cindy likes Rick. And knowing they all are comin' here doesn't help Rick escape. Since when so you care about my girlfriend?"

"Since Katie got back." That got Kate's attention.

Brent smiled at her then walked over to Johanna and bent down to speak lowly in her ear. "I don't need Kate knowing I'm dating Maddie. Ma are you trying to get me killed?"

Brent spoke with just a slight southern accent. To Johanna it's funny listening to him talk. "Yes. That's been my master plan."

"I'd like to tell her myself it that's okay."

"Well I supposed that would do you some good. But what about me? I would like to watch some drama unfold."

"Ma!"

Johanna laughed heartily then took Brent's hand. "I was just kidding. If you feel you need to tell her then do it. But what can she do? You're taller than her now."

Brent considered this for a moment then spoke again. "That doesn't make me any less scared," he mumbled before Kate decided to walk over.

"What're you guys whispering about?"

"If we told you there would have been no point of whispering," Brent said.

"Well clearly I'm not wanted here."

Kate grabbed a beer and stood at the opposite entrance to the kitchen. The one by the stairs so she could watch everyone from there. She didn't wanna talk so she thought that she'd just stand back and watch how everyone got along. And if for a second she lets her anger go she can allow herself to be a part of it, she can act like she belongs with them.

Why did Brent have to leave him here? He knew Cindy and Maddie were coming and he left him here with them along. Maddie is trying to convince Cindy to leave but she seems determined to get a date out of Rick. Which makes her look pathetic because Rick has stated that he isn't looking for a relationship right now. Especially not with someone so young and inexperienced.

While they were in the hardware store and Cindy was trying to seduce Rick Maddie ended up cutting herself on a broken piece of glass. Rick drove them to the ER and dropped them off then proceeded to Johanna's house for dinner. Brent should have already have arrived and received his surprise. He's kind of curious about who it could be.

On the drive to Jo's place Rick's mind wanders off to the woman he met today. He's still bewildered at how attracted he is to this woman and how someone so beautiful could be so tough all at once. Not only that but he thinks he's been challenged by her. When they were staring into each others eyes he saw her lip quiver and eyes drop down to his mouth. He wanted to kiss her but he'd never admit that out loud especially since she was probably just testing him.

Her lips were right there for him and he wanted to take them. Maybe it would've brought out a softer side to her, took away some of the anger he knows she has. It could just be the guy in him making him feel this way. What else could it be? You can't just be instantly attracted to someone like that. It's just been a while for him that's all.

When he arrives at the house he lets himself in and greets some people. He spots Johanna in the living room and says hi to her then asks who Brent's surprise is. At last minute he thinks maybe it's his father but quickly dismissed it. Jo wouldn't do that. She says she's in the kitchen and that's got Rick thinking that Jo is trying to set Brent up with someone. She never really agreed to him dating Maddie.

When he hit's the doorway leading to the kitchen he sees her. The woman from earlier. What the hell is she doing here? She can't be Brent's surprise?

A part of him is very excited because he wanted to see her again but at the same time why is she here? How does she know these people? His family.

She hasn't seen him yet so he wants to take the time to watch her. God, she's so hypnotizing and there's some air of elegance to her that he finds incredibly sexy. But he knows she has a hard shell or at least she pretends to have one to protect herself. From what he's not sure.

Why is he so interested in this woman? It must be more than an attraction.

He watches as she just looks around and he notices how her hair hit's the light perfectly. It sets it aglow and he's completely mesmerized by it. That and the movement of her fingers as she twirls her hair between them.

He notices the moment she laid eyes on him. Her eyes went big and mouth opened slightly. But just as quickly as the shock came it went away, her face falling from shock to indignation. He wants to look away, break the eyes contact they're sharing from across the room but he can't. Something's forcing him to hold her gaze as if she cast a spell on him. And to prove it more she slowly walks backwards out of the room, holding his gaze while doing so. He won't let her run so he followed her.

Kate can't seem to catch a break. First she encounters the guy in the bridal shop then on the street and now he's followed her here! She wants to kill him. At least that's what she assumes this feeling is when she laid eyes on him from across the room. He was already staring at her and she doesn't even know for how long.

When her eyes connected with his she felt that jolt again. She refuses to believe she's attracted to this arrogant man. Then why is she aroused again? She either has to kill him now or get the hell out of this room. So that's what she picked. Slowly Kate backed out of the room, never breaking eye contact because she doesn't want him to think that she can't handle it.

When she slides out she's standing in the main living room right by the staircase with her back against the wall. It's then that she realizes how quickly she's breathing and how hard her heart is pounding in her chest.

Kate closes her eyes and puts her head down to calm herself. But it's then that she hears someone walk in. When she looked up she was met with a pair of blue eyes shining down on her. His blue eyes. She doesn't know whether to be happy or annoyed. She chooses neither and decided to leave. She only makes it to the fifth step before he speaks up.

"Wait." And there's so much power and eagerness in his voice that she can't help but listen. At first she stands inert on the step with her back towards him then slowly she turns around without moving her legs. When she meets his eye he comes charging at her only reaction was to move back into the wooden banister. Which is a rookie move because now she's stuck there.

"What?" She tries to say with as much venom as possible.

Rick stopped on the step below her. Because of his height he was level with her face. He put one hand around either side of her body so she couldn't get away. Doing so had their faces just inches apart. He wants to kiss her. God he's so tempted to kiss her but he doesn't know how she feels. And he kind of wants to drive her crazy.

Kate's blood is boiling and her heart is pumping so hard right now and she doesn't understand why. He's not even touching her! But she wants him too…she'll never admit that out loud.

If this feeling that she has is the urge to kill then right now would be the best time to do it. She could snap his neck then push him down the stairs to make it look like an accident. But all thought of murder instantly disperse from her mind when she sees him lean in.

She doesn't want this, she doesn't want this, she doesn't want this. At least that's what she keeps telling herself to feel better. Truth is she wants to kiss him so badly but that'll just boost his ego. Kate can feel her body canting towards him and she can't stop it. She can't control herself anymore.

When Rick saw her bite her bottom lip he lost all doubt. He's going to kiss her. But he'll take his time about it. He leaned in slowly making sure to get as close to her mouth as possible without touching. He can feel her body heat radiating and it's warming him, making him want to take her right here on the steps. All he has to do is step up and their lips will be connected.

Kate's eyes flicker closed and she puckers her lips just slightly. Waiting. She's waiting for him.

As soon as Rick is about to go for her Kate's uncle Weston interrupted them. He saw what was happening between them and couldn't help but grin a little. He cleared his throat then said "Johanna's looking for you both."

Rick turned towards the person talking and nodded but Kate couldn't keep her eyes off him. She's struggling internally with her next move. She settled for acting like none of this even happened.

"Are you gonna get out of my way?" She asked. He just smiled at her knowingly and made a gesture for her to go first.

Kate walked into the kitchen first and asked her mother what she needed.

"Hold on. There's someone I want you to meet you to meet." She took a hold of Kate's hand.

"I'm not really in the mood to meet any girls tonight. I'm tired and it's been a long day."

"This'll be quick I promise." She scanned the room until her eyes landed on Rick. "Ahh. Rick come here."

When Kate noticed who her mother was talking about she was even more confused than before.

Johanna took Rick's hand and held it like she was holding Kate's. "Kate this is Rick my dear friend and Rick this is Kate. My daughter."

Both Kate and Rick's expressions dropped when Johanna made the introductions.

Kate took her hand back to point at Rick. "He's your friend?"

"This is you daughter?" Rick asked mimicking Kate's pose.

None of them seemed to notice how they've drawn attention from almost everyone. "Yeah."

"Mom!" Saying that still sounds weird. "This is the arrogant jackass!"

"She's the one who called Deborah fat!"

"Oh my gosh! Are you guys serious?" Johanna turned her attention towards Kate. "You called Debbie fat?"

"No I did not. I told her the waistline of her dress, which she was trying on, made her look fat. Why would I call her fat when she's clearly not?"

"Oh what's the difference?" Said Rick.

"I guess a guy like you wouldn't understand."

Before he could retort Johanna spoke again. "This is the guy who called you a monstrosity? And demanded you step out of his way?"

"Yep."

Both women directed their glares on him. If this wasn't such a serious moment he'd comment on how much they look alike. "That is completely disrespectful Rick! I expect more from you!"

"You're absolutely right. Now that I understand the situation I was a complete jerk. And I'm sorry-"

"Kate."

"I'm sorry Kate for being an ass you."

"Nice to know."

"Is everyone good?" Asked Jo.

"I'm fine," Kate said and Rick just nodded.

"Good."


	12. Chapter 12

**You guys are gonna hate me but I just couldn't help myself :)**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Don't own Castle or the fictional book and author mentioned in this  
chapter.**

It doesn't matter that Rick apologized Kate still wants nothing to do with him.  
Or at least she hopes that's how she comes off as. She's too aroused to think  
straight at the moment so she just doesn't want anything to do with him for the  
rest of the night.

Once everyone has eaten and the kitchen is cleaned people who don't live here  
leave and the ones who do stay up just a few minutes longer. The children went  
to bed around nine depending on age and everyone else went to their rooms around  
eleven. Kate stayed in the kitchen to eat dinner by herself. The peace and quiet  
is nice after such a hectic day. It's nice just to have a few moments to  
herself.

She's standing by the counter with a fork in one hand and a book in the other.  
It's very quiet in the house so when Rick walked in suddenly she couldn't help  
but jump. But the reaction that had him jumping was that she threw her fork at  
him.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?" Rick asked. "Why'd you throw that at me?" He turned  
to face the fork stuck in the wall.

"Maybe you shouldn't have snuck up me."

"I was just coming to get a glass of water. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Yeah suuure." Kate's trying very hard not to look at him. But she can't help  
it. He's wearing a white V-neck shirt and long blue plaid pajama pants. Simple  
but it makes him look cute. His hair is flattened and she just wants to run her  
fingers through it, fluff it a bit.

"You have excellent aim I might add." He pulled the fork from out the wall and  
Kate got to see him flex his muscle. Now she wonders if he did it on purpose...

"Adrenaline. Makes me stronger."

He just nodded and walked towards the sink. Rick gave Kate a fresh fork. "You  
always eat alone?"

"I live alone so yes."

"You prefer it that way?" He was filling his glass with water when he asked.

"I'm used to it." She sat her book down. Clearly she's to distracted to read.  
Rick turned around and sat against the sink.

"That's not what I asked."

Kate knew what he was suggesting and she didn't like it. He shouldn't be able to  
guess things like this about her and be right. He hasn't even known her an  
entire day yet. How is it that out of all her family a complete stranger is able  
to guess things about her. And what makes it worse is that he isn't even really  
trying, he's just making small talk.

When Kate didn't answer and just continued to eat her dinner Rick took the hint  
that she doesn't like to talk about her personal life. But he wants to get to  
know her, everything about her. Anything there is to know he wants to know.  
Don't ask him why but he feels like maybe if he got to know her she'd soften up  
a bit.

"Nora Roberts?"

"Huh?" She looked up at him with the fork in her mouth with a confused  
expression.

"Sacred Sins by Nora Roberts. What's it about?" He asked pointing to her book  
and taking a sip from his water.

"Oh. Um it's about a cop and a psychiatrist-"

"Oil and water."

She stopped the giggle from coming out. "Yeah I guess. The police are looking  
for a killer known as the priest. So they call in a shrink to make a  
psychological profile of him. When they meet they have an instant attraction."

"Really?" Rick asked looking up from his glass and giving Kate a knowing look.  
She tried not to read into it.

"When they found out each others professions though they ended up hating each  
other."

"Hard to hate someone when you're so attracted to them."

"It's easier than you think."

Rick sat down his glass and walked over to were Kate was standing. He stood a  
few inches away from her but was still close enough to feel her body heat. He  
picked up the book from the counter and flipped mindlessly through the pages. He  
then gazed into her eyes and asked her how it ended.

"They catch the guy."

"You know that's not what I mean Kate."

"I um," she couldn't think straight. Not with him leaning in so close to her.  
"They get together."

"How?" He whispered. He moved his entire body in closer to her again trapping  
her next to him. Kate had nowhere she could escape.

Her voice had dropped down to a shy whisper and she swears from it he can hear  
just how aroused she is. "Sex," she whispered almost imperceptibly.

"No," he said. "What did she ask him to do?"

"To make love to her."

She couldn't believe what was happening. He's trying to kiss her again. And  
again she wants him to. She wants to know how those lips feel pressed against  
hers. So instead of just letting him take the lead Kate leaned in too. She's  
tired of him driving her crazy.

They went for it. Instead of going slowly they went straight for each other but  
were just a breath away from each other when Paul walked in and interrupted.

"Whoa! What the hell is going on here?" He asked, the hurt in his voice genuine.

It was then that Kate realizes what had happened. "Ricky here is invading my  
personal space!"

"Excuse me?"

"That's the third time today you've done that."

"You mean third time today we've almost kissed."

Kate scoffed even though she knew it was true. "I don't even like you! Why would  
I want to kiss you?"

"You make that sound like I like you. If we're being honest I can't stand you!"

"Then back up Rick!" Kate moved out from around him and over to Paul's side.  
"You are such an asshole!"

"Why are you pretending Kate? We both know what's going on. Paul you saw it."

"Rick," Paul started. "All I saw was you standing over her. But why don't we  
settle this right now. I'll take Kate up to bed and Rick you can go back to bed  
huh? Everybody's happy."

Rick just nodded and went his own way. Kate then picked up her book from the  
counter and went to leave but Paul stopped her by taking hold of her forearm.

"Hey Katie. Are you okay?" He asked both hands coming to rest on her shoulders.

"Yeah yeah. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"He said some pretty mean things."

"It's fine."

"If he was really trying to kiss you. He was definitely doing it incorrectly."

"Really?" Kate asked grinning.

"There's a certain way you have to be kissed."

"Yeah?" She doesn't think she likes where this is going. But before she could  
move Paul had his hand on the back of her neck and he pulled her mouth to his.  
She kissed him back only to humor him but there was still something missing,  
something that she knows she's supposed to feel.

When Kate finally settled into bed an hour later she couldn't sleep. Her mind  
kept wandering back to Rick. That fork could've killed him. If this feeling she  
has is the urge to kill when they were in the kitchen would've been the perfect  
opportunity to strike. It would've been so easy too. Just stab him right then  
and there. And based off of their latest encounter that urge to kill him is  
still there and is going strong.

She can't kill him though. He's her mothers "dear friend." She knows that her  
mom would have Javier and Kevin and the rest of the police department all over  
it if something happened to Rick. Her mom would've never introduced them if Rick  
wasn't someone extremely important to her. Otherwise she would've let them meet  
on their own. So she can't kill him. She'll just have to endure him for the time  
that's she's here.

She's also thinking about how much she wants to kiss him. It's seems that  
whenever they're in a room together that the heat rises and she finds herself  
completely in a daze; aware of all the movements he makes. It's ridiculous  
because she doesn't get like this, ever!

In a matter of a couple hours he's made her more sensitive and vulnerable  
without even trying. She has to be stronger and not let him affect her as much  
as he does. Avoid him. That's the perfect solution. That way his little remarks  
like "if we're being honest I can't stand you," won't leave her feeling like  
shit.

She has to get herself together. She's not a young girl anymore.

She doesn't go to sleep that night because she can't get Rick out of her head.

* * *

The next morning Kate gets out of bed at her normal time, six am and goes for  
her morning run. She didn't get much sleep last night so she thinks that running  
would definitely clear her mind and give her the energy to get through the day.  
Personally, since Kate thinks New York air is much much colder than Montana's  
she doesn't take a jacket.

Being in the fresh cold air has her feeling refreshed. She's been running so  
long that she can hear her heart thumping in her ears and feel her lungs about  
to give out. It hurts but she likes it. It lets her know she's here and reminds  
her of the control she has over her body. She feels more and more powerful with  
every step she takes even though she wants nothing more than to collapse on the  
ground.

Her steps are long and powerful and she never slows them down. They'll feel like  
noddles when she's done because she's pushed them past her limits but it's worth  
it. Her mind is clear and she hasn't thought about Rick since she got up this  
morning.

She gets back to the house around eight forty and heads straight for the  
kitchen. She puts on a pot of coffee for herself then decided to make a little  
extra in case anyone else wants a cup. While the coffee is being made Kate went  
to take a shower. That's when thoughts about Rick started coming back to her.  
She really really hates him. She can't seem to wrap her head around what  
happened last night. It doesn't make any sense how easily she gave into him. He  
had obviously read that book before and knew just what to do to get to her.

She has to be strong. She can't feed into the things he does and then that way  
she won't succumb to him.

After she showers she grabs her book then goes down into the kitchen to get  
herself a cup of coffee. She goes into the cabinet to look for a coffee cup and  
finds a tall creamy green one along with the one she made in grade school for  
her mother. She quickly puts it away because she'd rather not go there at all.  
While she's in the middle of pouring her coffee Rick walks in. Grrreaat.

"Good morning," she said trying to be indifferent.

"Good morning." He sounded a little to excited. "Are you always up this early?"

"Yes. I'm an early riser."

"Me too."

Rick stood next to her to make himself a cup of coffee too. Out of the corner of  
his eye he watched her make her coffee. Last night after Paul and Kate thought  
he left he stayed a while. He heard what Paul said about him not kissing her  
correctly and he saw how Paul kissed her. He decided to show him up.

"Paul didn't kiss you correctly last night."

Instead of being shocked Kate tried to act like she knew he was watching and be  
indifferent. "Isn't that for me to judge?"

Rick pursed his lips and shook his head. Then scooted closer to her but tried to  
cover it up by reaching for the sugar. Slowly Kate turned to face him and he was  
right there by her face. But just as quickly she was pulling away. He knew what  
she was doing. She's putting up more barriers between them and the only way he  
knows how to get past it is to catch her off guard; do something she wouldn't  
expect.

"He said there's a certain way you have to be kissed. And I'm guessing since you  
did kiss him back that you guys know each other well." Kate just nodded but  
wasn't looking at him. "You'd think since he knows you he would know how to kiss  
you. He doesn't."

Kate couldn't help it. She laughed at him. "Really and you do with your track  
record?"

It's the first time he's ever seen her laugh before. It's actually the first  
time he's ever really seen her smile. And for a moment...he was mesmerized.  
She's so beautiful.

"Just because I've never done it doesn't mean I don't know how."

"Hmm." She backed further away from him and still wasn't looking at him.

Time to catch her off guard. "Want me to tell you how?"

"I have a feeling that you still will even if I said no."

He chuckled. "First I would start like this," he said coming close to her. "I  
would gently push your hair back behind your ear."

He did just that an Kate's head snapped up. It's the first time they've ever had  
any physical contact and it surprised her. His hand is warm on her skin and  
because he caught her off guard her eyes fluttered closed. But then snapped back  
open when she realized what was going on.

Rick's voice was low enough so only they could hear him. It's like he's speaking  
directly to her heart. "Then I would caress your cheek with my thumb," he did  
that. "Your skin is so soft. Like silk."

Kate can feel the electricity buzzing between them causing the temperature to  
rise phenomenally high.

"Then I'd put," he paused to follow his own directions. "Both my hands on the  
back of your neck to keep you there." She didn't understand and her confusion  
must've shown on her face because he explained. "Paul was right when he said  
there's a certain way you have to be kissed. You see with a woman like you, in  
this scenario you are the gift. He should be honored," he put emphasis on  
honored. "To kiss you. So he comes to you, you don't move."

Any doubts Kate had about kissing him went out the door when he said that.  
Should she keep denying this? Kate's hands found purchase on his jacket. That  
way they won't wander to places they shouldn't. "He pulled you to him last night  
when he was supposed to come to you."

He sounds so sexy speaking low like this. "Just. Like. This."

Rick leaned into her with his eyes closed after he saw Kate close her eyes and  
mouth open slightly. "Then I would press my lips to yours and kiss you slowly  
and passionately with all my heart."

He's going to regret this for the rest of his life but he's got her right where  
he wants her and doesn't want this opportunity to pass him by. So he comes  
closer to make her think he's going to kiss her but he moves right past her lips  
and whispers in her ear. "And that Kate Beckett is how a woman like you needs to  
be kissed."

He then smiled and backed away from her. When Kate finally realize what had just  
happened she was so embarrassed. She let him get to her! And he took advantage  
of it. He knew what he was doing smug bastard.

"I've had better experiences." She's trying to control her breathing.

"Riiiiiight." His ego definitely just got bigger.

Kate suddenly wasn't in the mood to drink her hot coffee anymore.


	13. Chapter 13

**This is kinda just a filler chapter but hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway. I wanted to get something up today.**

He doesn't know what's gotten into him. He doesn't know why he's acting like this arrogant jackass. He believes it must have something to do with her. He wasn't acting like this until after she'd arrived. It's something about her that's making him not act like himself. Whenever he's around her he gets nervous and his heartbeats so quickly that it feels as if it's stopped. When this happens he doesn't know what to do with himself but act like he isn't fazed by her.

There's this feeling that's overcome him, that's completely enveloped him in it's wake. And it's all because of her. It's been there since they met and it never goes away. It's there when he thinks about her, it's there when he's with her, it's there when she's the furthest thing from his mind. He doesn't know why but he knows that as long as this feeling is here he will never stop pursuing her. As weird as that may be considering their hatred for each other.

She knows not of the real reason for his loathing of her but since she doesn't know why he can't hold it over her head. Plus what's in the past is in the past. She could be a completely different woman now than she was all those years ago. All he knows is that he wants to get to know this Kate. He wants to know absolutely everything about her. Mind, body and spirit. He wants to know what makes those gorgeous eyes hold sadness in them. He wants to know why she acts like she doesn't feel the obvious attraction between them. He wants to know why she chooses Paul. All of it. He wants to know all of it!

But most of all he wants to know what it would feel like to pres his lips against hers, to have their affections for one another to combine. God, he desperately wants to know. He doesn't know how much longer he'll be able to control himself before he looses all self control.

Brent hasn't come in for work yet and Castle assumes it's because of Maddie. So he's running the small store by himself for the day most likely. No customers have come in yet so he decided to take the time to write. He always carries a little notebook with him just incase he gets an idea and last night he was hit with a big one. It came so suddenly and it was different from anything else he'd written before. It was just a scene though. Between a man and a woman.

_Gun in her hand and at the ready, she turned the corner. Empty. Relief swept through her like shivers on a cold winter morning. Her hands bound tightly around her weapon she was ready for any man who came her way._

_She checked her watch. Eleven minutes until the bomb went off. She has to find him quickly or else…_

_Sweat beaded on her forhead and pooled it's way down her face but she paid it no mind. She's counting the halls in her head, trying to figure out where he could be. It must be the next one._

_She braced herself as she ran down the empty hall of the apartement complex, trying to keep her steps quiet but quick. She rounds the next corner preparing herself for a shoot out. Just in case she screwed a silencer to the muzzle of her gun. When she made her way into the next hall she saw two men guarding a door. That must be where they're keeping him!_

_She shot the first one and not even a secons after he went down the other man had opened fire. His gun was not silenced._

_She went to dive out of the way but one of the bulllets shot through her arm. She didn't feel a thing. On the ground she fired the last bullets she had in her clip hoping to hit the man guarding the door. None of them did. He made his way over to her on the fround and she immediately put up a fight. From on the ground she punched him in balls and when he toppled over he punched him the stomach. She was able to find the time to stand and when she did she kicked the side of his ribs repeatedly then grabbed his gun before shooting him in the chest._

_She checked her watch again. Seven minutes._

_She kicked in the door the men were guarding hoping that her man sat behind it. When the door slammed open he was there tied and duck taped to a chair. She felt both relieved and angered. When she busted in the door and he laid eyes on her she heard him shout something, muffled by the tape, that sounded something of her name._

_She closed the door behind her then knelt down in front of while he sat in the chair. She sat the gun down then smacked him on the side of his head._

_"What the hell is wrong with you? You came in without back up! Without me!" He mumbled a response but she couldn't understand him so she peeled off the tape._

_"Sofia look I'm sorry but I found the chip!"_

_"I don't care about the chip!" She checked her watch. Five minutes. She then began untying his binds._

_"You're bleeding," he said._

_"Derek I'm fine. Just a flesh wound."_

_"I'm so sorry."_

_"Save your sorry's for later. Right now lets get the hell out of here." Sofia untied the last of his binds and helped him stand. Before she could make another move though Derek took her hand and he kissed her._

_"I wanted to do that…just in case we don't make it."_

_"Try doing that again when we get outside."_

_Together Derek and Sofia ran from the room and out of the building. They barely made it to safety before the building exploded taking the chip with it._

_When everything had settled and backup arrived outside Derek threw up. As in vomited. Right there outside for everyone to see._

_"Are you okay?" asked Sofia, concerned for his health._

_He just bent down and picked something up that was mixed in with his stomach contents. The chip._

_"Guess who just saved the world?" She just wanted to hit him again._

He doesn't know why this came to him but he thinks he wants to continue with it. He just has to find somewhere to start because this scene is more like an ending. Of course it needs editing and revising but he'd do all that later. Right now he just wants to add in more details. But when a customer came in he decided to write some more later.

* * *

She can't seem to think straight no matter how hard she tries. Rick's always on her mind and she doesn't know why. Okay maybe that's a lie but she doesn't care. With him on her mind she can't think, she can't eat, she can't even concentrate on her book. It's nerve wrecking and it makes her hate him more.

Kate closes her book and sits up from the couch. Why should she even bother? It's not like she can comprehend anything that the book is saying right now. She needs a distraction. Something to take her mind off the man invading it. (And her personal space.)

Right as she was going to get up someone walked into the room. She was going to say good morning when she saw who it was. Okay she doesn't actually know who he is because he looks like he's three years old.

"Hello there," she said to him holding her arms out so he would come to her. "Who do you belong too? Hmm." She picked him up in her arms and carried him into the kitchen.

"Mommmmmy!" He yelled.

"That's a good question. Where is your mommy?"

He pointed towards the door. "Mommmmy!"

"Are you hungry?" she asked him. He nodded vigorously. "Then we should ask your mother what you can eat for breakfast right? Lets go."

Kate took put him down and took his hand and he led them back to where his mother was still sleeping, she presumed. He took her through the living room and past the stairs to the rooms in the back of the house. When he stopped at a door to the far right and rushed in to her Aunt Deborah Kate instantly thought he had ran to the wrong room.

"Mommmmy!"

"Hey little monster," her aunt said waking up from his screaming her name. "What're you doing out of the room?"

"Hey," Kate said making herself known. "This is your son?"

"Hey morning sweetie. No he's my fiancé's son. I just have him for the night."

"Why does he call you mommy?"

"I've been in his life practically since he was born. He did it one day and since them it stuck."

"His real mother?"

"Died. Plane crash."

Kate didn't know what to say after that so she just tried to stay in safe territory. "What's his name?"

"Michael. He just turned two a couple months ago."

"That's great. I was gonna give him some breakfast but I don't know if he's allergic to anything."

"Peanuts but you can give him some cheerios. He likes those a lot."

"Alright. Come on Michael. You hungry?" Kate took his hand again and led him back into the kitchen.


	14. Chapter 14

**So I know I missed three updates but I have a reason. My godmother came into **  
**town. I barely ever get to see her because I live in MD and she lives in North **  
**Carolina. It's the first time I've seen her in YEARS. **

**I'm so sorry. I'll try to stay on schedule from here.**

* * *

She finds herself falling in love with Michael. He's already so smart at just  
two years old and understands language better than she would have ever assumed.  
She bets that he'll be a kid genius. She can tell just from the way he roams his  
brown eyes around the room and into her eyes that he understands so much. That  
maybe he might know or might just have the key to life. The gift of knowledge  
that holds every answer to all the questions humans have. She doesn't doubt it  
for one bit. Even if she sounds crazy right now, she doesn't care. This little  
boy is special, she can feel it.

Sadly a few hours later Michael went back home with his father and her aunt went  
with them. With every one else gone to work or gone for other reasons it left  
only herself, Johanna, and her uncle Weston in the house. She has no idea where  
either of them are. But she needs one of their car keys because she wants to go  
for a drive. Anything to clear her mind of the man incessantly encroaching it.  
Her mother can't drive but she has a car especially for her disability.

As she searches the house she can't seem to find her mother but outback she  
finds her uncle chopping up a giant block of wood. Something she recognizes as  
an canoe that use to sit there when she lived here. Why he's chopping it up? She  
doesn't know and maybe it's none of her business. But she does hope he's okay  
and chopping it up isn't some form of anger he's letting out.

Kate threw on a simple outfit and a sweater before stepping outside to approach  
her uncle.

"Hey," he greeted when he saw her walking up to him. When he saw the look on her  
face he decided to explain what he's doing. "Boats bringing termites. Johanna  
wanted me to get rid of your fathers boat for a while anyway."

"My fathers boat?" She absentmindedly looked toward the guest house. She still  
hasnt went to go see him.

"Yeah. He left it behind."

"Can I borrow your car?" She asked deciding to skip the small talk and get to  
the point.

"My car?" He threw the ax back into the boat, almost hacking off a piece. "What  
for?"

"Wanna go for a drive. Clear my head."

Her uncle smiled a knowing smile. "Tell you what. Give me fifteen minutes and  
we'll drive together. I wanna talk to you about something anyway."

"Sure."

Not the ideal trip she had in mind but this could work. She and her uncle were  
always close and he tried to share his wisdom with her whenever he could. Most  
of the time it sounded like psychobabble but then again she was like only ten at  
the time. But being older now and having lived life on her own she could most  
definitely use some of her uncles advice.

When he returned fifteen minutes later as promised he was bunched up in a big  
snowball coat, a hat, scarf, gloves, and a high collar. For someone who's fifty  
seven he sure does dress and act like he's thirty. And she would know.

"Are you cold?" Kate asked sarcastically.

"You're not?" He opened his car door to let Kate inside.

"Nope."

"Weirdo," he mumbled getting a chuckle from Kate.

* * *

As they sit in the car together it's quiet. Her uncle is driving and Kate is  
looking out the window in the passenger side while resting her chin on her fist.  
She appears to be deep in thought.

"Whatcha thinking 'bout?" He asked.

"Nothing important."

"Rick?" Kate scoffed unbelievingly and faced her uncle. "I caught you guys on  
the stairs. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out."

"Wow. I don't even know what to say."

"Tell me what you're thinking maybe I can help."

She's thinking of a way to kill him even though she knows she can't. She's also  
thinking about why she feels what she feels toward him. But she won't be  
discussing it.

"You like him ?" Her uncle asked bringing out of her head.

"Absolutely not."

"Well he likes you. Possibly more."

"No way. He hates me and the feeling is mutual."

"So what was that on the steps?"

She was about to add 'and in the kitchen' but thought its best to keep those to  
herself.

"I don't know. Nothing. You just happened to catch us in a compromising  
position. Anyone would've took it the way you have."

"That's true. You can act like its not there but I can see in you. You like him  
and it makes you angry because you don't want to."

"I don't like him. He's an arrogant jackass."

"Or so he seems. He's actually a nice boy. He's been helping taking care of your  
mother since the first day they met."

"I don't care about him and he doesn't care about me uncle Wes."

She believes this is true without a doubt. But what she doesn't know is why Rick  
makes it his mission in life to make her uncomfortable and annoyed. That she  
doesn't get but that doesn't mean he cares for her.

"But I seen the look in his eyes. That's real Katie. And I understand why you  
don't want to see it but its there you guys aren't going to be able to deny it  
much longer. What you two will have," he paused to look at her. "It'll be  
amazing."

"I doubt it." She's lying. Based on the way it feels just to stand next to him  
she knows it'll be amazing just to...

She won't go there.

"If you doubt it so much why did you need to clear your head? Is he invading it?  
Thinking about him too much?" Now he's making fun of her.

"Who said I was thinking about him?"

"Katie it's all over your face! As much as you try you can't hide it from me.  
Don't forget I'm older I have more experience with these things than you."

"Uncle Wes? Are you on any medication? Have you been drinking?"

"I get it. Make fun. But when I turn out to be right I want twenty bucks."

"You're so on!"

* * *

Her uncle dropped Kate off at the local library and said he would be back to  
pick her up in about an hour. The sign outside read "Rosie's Book Room."

When Kate walked in to the library she was greeted with the sweet smell of  
vanilla and books. Freshly printed books, antique books. All of them. It's  
nowhere near as large as the New York public library but she likes it.

It's small and intimate.

There's no one around from what she can see so Kate decides just to take a look  
around. When you first walk in there's the main desk and next to it a door  
that's labeled "Children's Play Land." From the front door she turned right into  
the teen section and continued down the aisle and went through each one.  
Encountering the mystery section, thriller, romance, science fiction,  
supernatural, English literature, suspense, and the informational section. On  
the back wall behind all the aisles were the adult books and old western books.  
She assumed the children's books were in the play land.

As she walked around she found herself back at the front of the library by the  
children's door. The owner set it up to run in a circle. It only emphasizes how  
small the space really is.

"Hello dear. The book room isn't open yet." Before Kate could apologize for  
barging in the woman continued talking. "Oh unless you're here 'cause you want  
the other open position too. I had a fine gentleman come in and asked if he  
could have one of my open positions."

Kate didn't know what to tell the old woman. She has no interest in getting a  
job because she won't be here that long. Just until the month is up.

"As long as you can read and you like kids you've got the job. You can start now  
if you'd like. I'm Rosie this is my little library." She held out her hand.

"I'm Kate," she said gently shaking the old woman's hands. From what she could  
tell the woman was at least in her mid seventies but had the energy of a thirty  
year old. She's short but Kate can tell they're going to be good friends.

"Oh. You're the one the boy recommended! Great. You're taking the job?"

Why not? She shrugged.

What boy?

"Yes! Excellent. I'll need you part time in the morning until your coworker gets  
here at four. Or you can stay until closing. Doesn't matter. Let me show you the  
system. You'd be surprised how many people don't understand this."

"I get it. I use to work at a library before."

"Oh even better! You can get to work right away. I have a whole new batch of  
books that just came in that need to be labeled and put on shelves. During the  
week we open at eleven thirty and close at eight. Weekends eleven thirty to five  
fifteen. Closed on Sundays and Wednesdays."

Pretty obvious Rosie is a talker.

"Actually I can't start today," Kate said remembering that her uncle is coming  
to pick her up. "But I can start Monday."

"That's great. Come in a few minutes early. And I'll show you a few more of the  
ropes. I'm so happy I've got help now. My husbands been wanting me to retire but  
I don't wanna sell this place. No I don't have to."

"That's great."

"What was your name again?"

"Kate."

"Kate. Okay I got it now. Welcome to my book room Kate."

* * *

After dinner Kate offered to do the clean up for her mother while everyone else  
retreated to their rooms. Rick stayed to help her which only caused her to be  
more annoyed that thankful.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked handing her a plate to dry.

"Suure."

"You wanna play twenty questions?"

"Why?"

"So we can get to know each other."

"Why?"

"You're my best friends daughter. I think it'll be good to get to know one  
another."

"But I don't like you."

"And I don't like you. But for Jo I want to at least try."

"I doubt she'd stop being friends with you because we don't get along."

"We get along fine. We can talk and work together evidently but we just don't  
like each other."

"Point?" He's standing way to close for her liking.

"Do you wanna play?"

"Why not?" She sighed.

Rick smiled on the inside. He also wants to get to know her for his own benefit.  
He can tell that there's something special about her and he's determined to find  
out what it is.

"What's your favorite color?" He asked. "Never mind. I know it. Um what type of  
music do you listen to?"

"You know my favorite color?"

"Purple. Are you gonna answer my question?"

"Um. I don't listen to a specific type. It depends on the song."

How the hell does he know her favorite color?

"Your turn Kate."

"What do you do in your spare time? I mean when you're not bothering me."

"I write."

"Write what?"

"It's not your turn."

"Okay," she groaned. "This is stupid."

"What do you do in New York?"

Kill people, she wanted to say but decided against. He might believe her. "I  
don't wanna answer questions."

"It's okay. I already know you anyway."

She knows he's bating her so she won't fall for it. When they finished cleaning  
Kate sat in the big chair across the room and picked up her book to read. That's  
when Rick came over and leaned over her shoulder.

"You just started this chapter?"

"Yeah."

Then he held out his hands silently asking her to hand him the book. She figured  
he would just see what it was about but when she handed him the book he sat on  
the couch opposite her and began reading it out loud. She would've told him to  
give it back but he's reading with such enthusiasm that she finds herself  
getting comfortable to the sound of his voice. So she just curled her feet  
under herself and listens to him read.

After about two hours she stops him because she's tired.

"Don't you have to get home?" She asked him, standing.

"I live here," he said as if it should've been obvious. "I live in the guest  
house."

"You live in the guest house?" She thought her dad was out there. And if not,  
where is he?

"Yeah. Why?"

"Nothing. Good night." She took her offered book from him and left to her room.


	15. Chapter 15

Danger 15

**In my short time on fanfiction if there's one thing I've learned it's don't listen to the hype. I've realized that sometimes the stories with the smallest amount of reviews, follows, and favorites are sometimes the best. I always read the stories with little or no reviews.**

**Anyway...on with the chapter. **

* * *

When Kate's uncle Weston came back to pick Kate up from Rosie's he took straight back to her mothers place. It's still early so Kate has no idea what she'll do in the mean time. When she arrived there her mother was gone. Her aunt had taken her to a doctors appointment but sadly Rick was there. When her uncle saw the digusted expression she was wearing he laughed at her and shook his head.

"One day you'll look at him and smile."

"Maybe in hell."

"Keep thinking that."

Rick was sitting in the living room in the chair she ususally sits in writing something on a notepad. Also in the room with him was Javier. What's he doing here?

"Hey," she greeted walking in. She looked up at Rick and she could see something in his eyes but couldn't pinpoint it exactly. "What're you doing here?" she asked Javier.

"Waiting for you actually. The station has some new equipement and I wanted to see if you wanted to try it out."

"What do you mean?"

"I taught you to fight. I wanna see if you still got it," he smiled.

"Definitely." This could be her rematch from when he knocked her out on the train ride over here. "We're going now?"

"Yep. Go get changed."

"Can I watch?"

If this were a movie now would be the time the music came to an abrupt stop. What the hell did he just ask?

"What?"

"Can I watch? I'd love to see a fight up close. It could help with my book."

"Sure why not. You can watch me kick the shit out of her."

"Please," Kate retorted then turned her attention back to Rick. "Your book?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I told you that I write. Not my fault you didn't believe me."

"Whatever. Just stay out of the way. Got it?"

He just nodded.

* * *

After several rounds of fighting, six bottles of water, and three breaks, Kate and Javi finally called a quits when Kate won the fight.

"Nice to know you can protect yourself," Javi said standing up from the floor mat.

"Among other things," she mumbled to herself.

"Yeah. I know about your other things."

Her head jerked up to see his face. And when it showed that he was being serious she glanced at Rick to see if he was catching on. He wasn't. Thank goodness.

"As long as you're not being stupid!"

"You taught me better than that."

"Tell me why. Of all things." She gave him a warning glare and gestured to Rick who was writing in his notepad but Javi didn't budge.

"For Hanna and Joseph. Even for Michael or Olivia even though I never met him or her."

Javi just nodded. "Makes sense. But it still doesn't make it right."

"I know," she said lowly and put her head down.

"Lets go." He turned to Rick. "Come on Castle."

Kate snorted. "Castle?"

"Ask him. Not a very normal name to me either."

Still lost in thought Castle ignored them. Then he spoke after Javier hit him on the side of the head.

"Not good enough."

"You want me to hit you harder?" He asked ready to do it.

"No the scene. I think it would be better if I was the one fighting."

"I'm not fighting you bro."

Castle looked over at Kate and raised an eyebrow in challenge.

Kate thought about it for a moment. This would be the perfect chance to show him who's boss. Okay not who's boss but to show him she isn't the time of girl to be played with. Also it's the great opportunity to inflict some pain. Kate dropped her gym bag on the mat. And she saw Rick smile in response.

Why the hell not?

**This is short. I know. I thought it would be better to have the scene stand alone in the next chapter.**

**Anyone know why this is a bad idea for them to do? :) I'll give you a hint. They have to touch each other. Alot. (Evil laugh)**


	16. Chapter 16

He brought a change of clothes.

It's like he knew she would say yes. _Smug bastard_. Javier left them on their own and said he would be back in an hour or so. She doubts it'll take that long to kill him. Ahem, beat him she means of course.

Why the hell did she agree to this? She can't turn back now or else she'll look like a coward or he'll know she's worried about being so close to him. Not that she is. She has no reason to be. Those two encounters in the kitchen and the one on the stairs were just mere coincidences. Nothing more. Not that she'd admit it if it was.

He's standing on the opposite side of the mat staring at her like he knows he's going to win. Well he's got another thing coming if he thinks so. She's _very _good at tackling men. She's been doing it for years. Capturing and killing them too. So if he honestly thinks he has a chance than he's stupider than she thought. Kate rewraps the black bandage around her hands and gestures for him to come closer.

"So I'm thinking I'll go easy on you. I don't wanna hurt you so first five down wins."

"Five? You don't think you could get me in three? Or are trying to give yourself more time to catch up when I win."

"Trust me when I say you'll need the extra time. I'm very good at this."

"So why do you need an up close feel if you've done this before?" she asks him arching an eyebrow. He just smiles.

Jack-_ass_.

Slowly they walk towards each other, each waiting for the other to make the first move. This would be the perfect time for her to kill him. Maybe not because it's a police station but she can say it was an accident and Javier will back her up. Plus there are cameras, she can make it look like he was purposely attacking her out side the boundaries of the game. But as much as the thought of killing him is appealing, she knows that she can't. There's a conflict of interest and no it isn't her.

Kate makes the first move, swinging her right fist to land on his stomach but Castle expertly grabs her hand, twists it so she'll spin with it, and her back is to him. Then he curls her hand in his around her neck.

"That was a dumb move on your part Kate," he says heavily into her ear. This is the first time they've touched like this and already she breathless from it.

"Don't worry I'm just getting started," she says just as she drops her body to the ground, bringing him with her. On the ground she rolls them over so she above him. While he's still a little disoriented she quickly grabs his arm and twists it backwards while her knee is pressed against his chest. "One , two, three. I win."

"Four more to go. Don't underestimate me Kate. That'll be your biggest downfall."

"Whatever." Castle just chuckles evilly then hooks one of his legs around Kate's to help push her off him. She ended up yelling in pain and sliding off his chest. He then stands up but before she could defend herself he's grabbing her by the waist and she's flipped upside down while he's holding her up.

"Put me down," she yells.

"If I do this counts as two."

"No way."

"How much do you weight?" he asks. "Like a pound? There's no weight to you at all."

"If you're gonna make fun of me why don't you do it when I can defend myself."

"This way is so much more fun."

Kate glared at him although he couldn't see it. Since she's upside down on the front side of him she decided to hit below the belt. Literally. She punched him in the balls. And next thing she knew she was lying flat on her stomach with Castle on the floor above her writhing in pain. She couldn't help it, she smiled.

"That was wrong and you know it," he grumbled.

"Maybe. But I told you to put me down. You didn't listen so you had to pay the price."

With Kate still lying on her stomach she crawled over to Castle to try to pin him down but again he grabbed her waist, lifting her like she weighs air and setting her on his lap. He uses both his arms to pin her down but she breaks out quickly and punches him in the face.

"Asshole." While he's down she grabs both his hands and puts them above his head and rests both knees on his chest. "Looks like I win round two."

"Looks like."

It's then that Kate notices how close their faces are. Because of his height Castle's arms are longer than hers so she has to lean down farther to pin down his hands.

Their faces are directly right in front of each other and it just so happens that they landed exactly under the overhead light, making his eyes shine up at her. She's honestly never seen a pair of blue eyes so deep before. She always thought they were a dime a dozen but no she's absolutely wrong. She can't help but stare and lose herself.

"Kate," he whispers and she realizes that he isn't fighting back anymore. Their bodies are touching in ways they've touched before. Kate slides her knees apart and off his chest. Without wavering her gaze she slowly moves up in a sitting position to get away from him but he follows her. Her breathing picks up and her heart is beating so fast that she can't even try to control herself. When she sees him lean into her she goes the rest of the way and smashes her mouth to his.

Castle instantly flips them over so Kate's on her back, their lips never parting. She never thought kissing could be so intense but she's being proved wrong. He won't let up but she doesn't think she wants him too. She feels his hands roam her body and every touch is a jolt of electricity traveling throughout her body. But somehow it's not enough. He lays her all the way down and she can feel him taking off her pants. He's going slowly probably to give her time to say no. But she won't; isn't going to.

"Faster," she's able to mumble through kisses. And it doesn't even take him a second to respond. The next she knows he's ripping all articles of clothing off her body. And she can't stop him. The combination of his mouth and body is making her weak. She can't even think! It's like she's melting in his arms with all the heated tension flowing through them.

Before she knows it all their clothes are off and she panting on the floor in a police station. Anyone could come down at any moment and that makes this all the more thrilling. She doesn't want to stop. She's never experienced something so amazing in her life. Who knew? Rick Castle!

Oh goodness. It's Rick Castle. What is she doing and why does it feel so good? Why can't she stop? Why doesn't she want to stop?

"Kate," he moans. She opens her eyes to find him staring at her. "Kate."

"It's okay." Why isn't he touching her anymore?

"Kate."

"Go ahead. I want to." _Fuck me!_

"Kate!"

When Kate comes out of her day dream she's staring up at Castle who has one of her legs pinned up and is laying across her torso. All clothes are on.

"What the hell happened?" She can hear how breathless she is.

"I flipped you and then you kinda just left. Daydreaming?"

"Oh." She remembers it so vividly. It was real. At least she hoped it was. But she'd never admit that out loud. In fact she never even thought it. No matter the desperation in her voice.

"I win. I've been holding you down for about ten seconds."

Ten seconds? It felt she was out of it for hours. At least it would've been hours. She felt herself look down at a particular spot on Castle. What is that she feels?

Wait.

"You win? That doesn't count!"

"Sorry we never settled on daydreaming rules. Even sexual ones," he said winking at her and standing up. "You need to win the last three rounds in order to win."

Kate huffed out a breath and took the offered hand to help her up. "I will." How the hell did he know what she was thinking about? Was she speaking? That would be so embarrassing. Did she say she wanted him to? Is that how she really feels? Best not to read to much into it. She doesn't want to know the answers to those questions anyway. They might scare her.

"We'll see."

They fought for a few minutes until Castle won the next round. They stopped to drink some water until Kate took it upon herself to attack him while he was in mid swallow.

"Oh that's low."

"Don't let your guard down."

Castle won the next round by kicking Kate's legs when she knocked him down. She landed on her stomach so he just laid on her. He held her down long enough to win that round.

"Two for two. Last one Kate."

"Ready?"

"Definitely."

* * *

Kate stomped in the house and slammed the door behind her. How the hell did he beat her? She's a killer! She ran up the stairs to hop in the shower and to get away from _Sir Von Gloats A lot_.

"Hey I told you that you'd lose. Can't blame me," Castle said following her inside the house.

"You could've told me that you had professional training." she stopped mid stride up the stairs and turned to face him.

"Didn't you? It was an equal playing field."

"You knew I did.. But I didn't know about you. That gave you an advantage."

"Sore loser."

"Ugh!" She yelled and resumed walking up the stairs, her black gym bag bobbing with every stamp of her feet.

Today never happened.

* * *

Rick's super surprised that he made it through today without Kate feeling how "happy" he was to see her. Being so close and being able to touch her the way he did was the most amazing thing he's ever encountered. He thinks she enjoyed it too no matter how badly her pride is hurt from losing.

At one point during the fight her hair came out of the elastic band and he was hit with an overwhelming smell of cherries. Cherries? Maybe he was hallucinating. But cherries is a pretty dominate smell. From what he knows about Kate Beckett is that she isn't like normal girls. She has a tough exterior so it seems unusual for her to use cherry scented shampoo or conditioner or whatever it is. She doesn't seem like the type of girl to use scented anything. Maybe he just doesn't know her well enough.

He left the main house to go shower in the guest house. While he's standing in there under the hot spray he still can't get her out of his head. He knows she was daydreaming about them. He wishes he knew what she was seeing although he could guess and most likely be right. He heard her moan his name when he flipped her over. He won't say anything though, she's probably already embarrassed enough.

Maybe he should take a cold shower because he's still got a hard-on and doesn't want to seem to go away. It's Kate. It's all her fault!

He doesn't think he can deny it anymore. He likes her. He likes her a lot and he doesn't know why! It drives him nuts because he's so attracted to her yet he hates her so much for what she did to Johanna. Maybe he should talk to her about it. Yeah if she ever gives him the time of day.

Maybe this attraction is in his head. Maybe if he kissed her it'll reveal that nothing is really between them. He's gonna do it. He's gonna do it right now. Rick steps out of the shower dries off and changes into normal clothes.

Yeah. He's going to kiss her. No big deal. No pressure.

What if it only makes him like her more?

He walks out of the guess house with determination in his stride. Arms hanging down by his sides with his hands slightly clenched into fists. In the back of his mind he hopes it makes him like her more. He hopes it makes her like him at all.


	17. Chapter 17

**As you guys know school started on Monday. So it'll be harder for me to update during the week. So I'm changing update schedules to the weekend. Hopefully if school isn't too hectic I'll have time to write chapters for all my stories on time. I am a senior this year so I have more on my plate and this right now isn't my top priority.**

**Hopefully you're still with me and you understand. Thank you!**

* * *

Kate's still angry or is it embarrassment? Whatever it maybe, she's still just  
that as she steps into the hot steam of the shower. But worst of all she's still  
aroused. She just fought Rick. Who she never dreamed of touching (that may not  
be entirely true) just days ago. His body was so firm against hers and his skin,  
soft but tough. She can tell he's the workout type. He knew what he was doing  
not only when it comes to defending himself but when it comes to women. At some  
points during the fight he touched her the way a lover would. (minds out the  
gutter. Not there) Thats the main reason why she's still so aroused.

Why does she have these feelings? Why are they so strong? It's hard enough to  
admit she's attracted to him the last thing she needs is feelings for him. The  
last thing she needs is the complications of a relationship. Not that she's  
thinking about being in a relationship with him.

Rick's on her mind the whole time she steps out the shower to get dressed and as  
she heads downstairs into the kitchen. She's craving the strength of coffee,  
hoping it'll be strong enough to curve her cravings for... _other_ things.

While the coffee is brewing Kate looks in the fridge for something small she can  
snack on. But that's when she hears her name be shouted from the far end of the  
house. She couldn't tell who it was but just that it was a male. As she was  
going to shout back she heard the man call her again but this time with  
footsteps growing nearer.

"Kate!" He called, yelling in a deep voice. In his tone she could sense an  
urgency, a need so carnal and libidinous that it makes her butt cheeks clench  
and begins a certain throbbing in her neither regions.

Holding onto the refrigerator door handle, Kate closed her eyes and tried to  
settle her breathing.

"Kate!" He's so much closer now. He's going to be entering through the back way  
of the kitchen. The only side he ever seems to come in on. Kate turned around  
and then she saw him coming. Rick.

He's walking with such a determination in his stride and the way he's looking at  
her is melting her insides. What the hell is going on? His eyes never waver from  
hers as he gets closer.

She knows what he's about to do. She can see it in his eyes. So why isn't she  
preparing to fight him off? Why is she standing inert in the middle of the  
kitchen? Why can't she breathe? _WHY CAN'T SHE BREATHE!_ Her heart is pounding so  
quickly she swears it's going to malfunction.

She hates him. She absolutely hates this man yet she can't do anything to stop  
what she _knows_ is about to happen. No. It's not that she can't. She doesn't want  
to. Kate doesn't want to stop him and she doesn't know why. All she knows is  
that she wants this. _God, does she want this._

He takes a pause in the back doorway of the kitchen. He stares at her for this  
split second, breathing heavily and looking so buff and rugged that it weakens  
her knees. Kate's mouth opens slightly and she slowly takes a step backward but  
it's no good. Rick resumes his stride and steps into the kitchen and doesn't  
stop until he's directly in front of Kate with his lips pressed against hers.

His mouth is warm against hers and soft. Her eyes close instantly and she  
responds to him just as quickly. It starts as slow, like a dance but it's quickly  
turned into a frenzied mess. Their mouths battle for dominance and Rick's is  
winning because Kate's too busy melting into his arms. She can barely keep  
herself up on two feet. Castle backs her into the fridge, his mouth never  
leaving hers. His hands travel through her hair down to the back of her neck.

His mouth is sending fireworks through her body. Warm tingling currents of  
electricity buzzing through her veins. Oh, he feels good. _So_ _good_. She wants  
more. She needs to have more of him. But once her back hit the cold of the  
refrigerator Kate was brought back reality. She placed her hands against his  
chest and pushed him away.

For a second they stood staring at each other completely in a daze because  
neither one of them expected the kiss to be so amazing and full of...no nope.  
She won't go there.

Staring at each other and breathing heavily Castle tried to force words out of  
mouth but couldn't. Kate just couldn't catch her breath. She couldn't stand  
there staring much longer so she ran out the opposite doorway and found herself  
leaning on the wall by the staircase again. She wasn't about to let Castle come  
and surround her on the stairs again so she ran up them and locked herself in  
her room.

* * *

Kate's been avoiding him and he knows why. She must've felt what he felt when  
their lips touched. Or she could just hate him more and never want to see him  
again. Not that he's being arrogant but he just doesn't believe that she'd never  
want to see him again. What he felt when their lips touched was too powerful for  
her to not have felt it and for her to not want it to happen again.

Maybe he should go up and talk to her. And he means really really talk. Maybe  
she could explain how she did what she did to Johanna and hopefully hearing her  
side will make him not hate her anymore. Or maybe he should cut his losses.  
She's never feel as strongly for him as he does for her. Yeah. He likes her.  
He's been liking her he just never let himself admit it. But now that he's  
actually been able to feel that it's real he won't deny it anymore.

He should just leave her alone. He's working two jobs now so he doesn't have  
time for a relationship anyway.

Rick thought he should just go enjoy his day off but that's when the front door  
opened and Deborah was wheeling Johanna in. She looked terrible.

"Hey Jo. What's wrong?" He Asked walking up and kneeling in front of her.

Before she replied she coughed for a few moments. "Don't worry. Doctor says I've  
got the flu. Nothing serious."

"Mom!" Kate called coming down the stairs. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah Katie. Just the flu."

"You're lying." Johanna and Rick just gave her funny looks. "You always flare  
your nose when you lie. What's really wrong?"

"Honest Katie. It's just the flu. But can you do me a favor?"

"Of course. Anything," Kate said honestly. Completely forgetting that she's  
angry with her mother.

"Do you mind fixing dinner? Maybe you and Rick? I'm just not up for it."

"Yes. Want some soup?That should help right?"

Johanna sighed contentedly. "That's perfect. Thanks sweetie."

Deborah just waved at them before wheeling Johanna off to her room.

Kate walked off into the kitchen without a word to Rick. When he followed her in  
there she was leaning down and washing her hands in the sink. He went to join  
her.

"I'm sorry," he said lowly.

"About?" Her voice sounds indifferent towards him. Or maybe even distant.

He chose not to answer because he had a feeling that she would just deny it even  
happened.

He's having a hard time standing this close to her. His hands want to reach out  
and touch her but he knows he shouldn't. Instead he tries to focus on the task  
at hand. He's making soup for his sick friend.

But making it with her gorgeous daughter.

About an hour later Johanna came back out when people started arriving. Shes  
sitting in the main living room with Brent, Weston, Deborah and her fiancé,  
Javier and Kevin. He notices that Kate keeps huffing and puffing so he took that  
as an opportunity to speak to her.

"You okay?"

"No! It's hard to cook in this kitchen because everything is so low."

"Maybe you shouldn't have pushed her down the stairs."

The words are out before he even has a chance to think about them. But he keeps  
going despite Kate's shocked expression.

"Maybe if you hadn't pushed her down the stairs she wouldn't have had to  
renovate her kitchen this way."

"Is that what she told you?" She's breathing red flames. That's how angry she is  
but she's so skilled at hiding her emotions that you wouldn't know she's angry  
unless you look in her eyes.

Rick just nodded. But that was like giving her a death sentence because Kate  
stormed out of the kitchen and into the living. All he heard was her yell (he  
assumes at Johanna)

_"You told Rick that I pushed you down the stairs!"_

Shit_. _

* * *

**Next chapter we'll be getting into a little history of the Beckett's. I'm super excited to find out what you guys think.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry this took so long. I was having major computer problems Saturday and I just got some free time today to put this up.**

_"You told Rick that I pushed you down the stairs?"_

Kate yelled at her mother when she stormed out of the kitchen.

Johanna hadn't been expecting this sudden outburst from her daughter so when she yelled this to her she ended up choking on her soup.

All eyes were on Kate as she stomped out to where Johanna was sitting in her chair. "How could you?" she seethed. "Why would you lie?"

"Katie," Johanna started, clearing her throat. "Let's not have this conversation here."

"You know just as well as I know that Dad's the one responsible for putting you in this chair." Everybody in the living room quickly took it upon themselves to scatter. Javier stayed close so he could keep an eye on Kate. He's afraid of what she might do when angered this badly. "I can't believe you. I know you've done some shitty things but this is a new low. You know he hates me right?" Kate said gesturing towards the kitchen. "He hates me because of the lie you told him. Thanks…a lot."

"Listen to me. Please. Let me explain."

Kate scoffed. "How could you possibly explain? You lied and it's that simple. You told Rick that I pushed you down the stairs. Now I can't help but wonder if you lied because you don't like the truth. That your husband pushed you down the stairs when you tried to stop him from killing your daughter."

"That is not true!" Johanna yelled as if she were offended.

"Why isn't it?"

"Your father loved you. He would've never hurt you like that!"

"Tell that to the permanent scars on my back."

"How do you know those weren't from Keith? Lets not forget your father lost it with you once. Keith was abusive since the start."

"That's different. Keith wasn't my _father_. Keith was to blame for everything he did to me yet dad blamed me for all the shit he did to me."

"He was just upset."

"Why are you defending him?" Kate asked stepping into to Johanna's personal space. Esposito grew nervous. "After what he did to our family?"

"I'm not defending anyone! I'm simply stating a fact. Your father was upset about everything that happened. Could he have made better choices? Yes."

Kate looked at her mother disgustedly. "You wished that it was me who pushed you don't you? That way you won't look so pathetic defending him."

"I never said you pushed me down the stairs." That instantly got Kate's attention. "And no I don't wish that you'd really done it. If your father had missed me then you would be the one in the chair right now. I would never want this for you."

"So what? You're calling Rick a liar now? Get your stories straight!"

"I'm not calling him a liar either. I'm saying he misinterpreted what I said. I never said those words."

"But you knew that's what he thought! Why would you allow that? You make me out to look like the bad guy! I was just simply a daughter who needed her parents after my psycho husband killed my," Kate began choking up. "After he killed my children."

She turned her back on her mother so she wouldn't see her tears. Kate tries not to think about what happened to her kids. She tries to keep them a distant memory because otherwise it hurts to much to think about. The only time she does is when she avenges their deaths. She kills Keith. Over and over and over again for them.

Olivia, Hanna and Michael.

"I'm so sorry Katie. I know letting Rick think that was wrong. But I'm still so hurt by everything that happened. And sadly enough I do still love your father despite everything he's done. So I guess by letting Rick think that in someone's eyes Jim wasn't a bad man."

"But you did blame me mommy! After dad left and you came home from the hospital you blamed _me _for all your pain." Kate keeps spilling tear after tear. They don't seem to be letting up anytime soon. "I know I wasn't the perfect daughter or the perfect mother by keeping my kids around that monster. But lets not forget I was still grieving then! All I wanted was my mother and here she is, pushing me away."

Johanna's sobbing just as hard as Kate is right now. She never considered Kate's point of view. She was wrong. She knows that now more than ever. But it's also the reason why she wanted Kate to come home, so she could tell her just that.

"I'm so sorry." Johanna cried. Long drawn out apologies on the inhale of breath. "I'm sooo sorry. I was terrible. Still am. But I want to make it up to you. All I want now is your forgiveness."

"You can't just get over something like this overnight. I have six years of hate built up for you."

"I know." She mumbled.

"You know I miscarried Michael because of you. The doctor said I was under too much stress." Kate covered her face in her hands and sobbed loudly in her palms. "My youngest child. My _only _son."

Johanna had her head down staring at her lap and whispered to Kate. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was wrong. I was so so wrong. I don't expect you to forgive me. It was my fault and I could never expect you to get over something like that."

Kate wasn't listening. She's having flashback after flashback of her children. Their beautiful faces. She loved them. They were what made her get out of bed in the mornings. They're the reason why she tried everyday! They made life worth living and then they were taken away from her. Her life. Her heart.

All three of them were pieces of her that were stolen. How do you come back from that? Especially after your own mother helped you lose one? All she needed was for her to be there for her and Kate would've done the same. But no. she pushed her away. Barely spoke two words to her. But she loved Brent. Everybody loved Brent. He was the golden child.

Kate dropped to her knees and continued to cry. Each wail getting louder and louder until she couldn't breathe. Johanna rolled over to her and gently rested her hand soothingly on Kate's back. She jumped away instantly and stared at her with a death glare. From the corner of Kate's eye she saw Esposito waving at her to grab her attention. When she looked he told her to breathe.

He's right. She looked at her mother who looked just as lost and hurt as she did.

"Mommy," she whined weakly.

"Come here Katie." Both had new tears starting to flow again. Kate rested her head on Johanna's lap while her mother tried to soothe her. "I'm sorry for not being there for you. But I'm here now. I promise I'm not going anywhere."


	19. Chapter 19

He eavesdropped. He didn't do it on purpose but when Kate started yelling at her mother he just couldn't bare to walk away. Kate was revealing so much information about herself, things that he's wanted to know since the day he laid eyes on her. Unfortunately most of the things she shared were tragedies. She lost her kids? He knows how it feels to lose a child. He's been through the process of grieving and it still hurts. Everyday.

And she's been married? He never would've pegged her as the marriage type. But based off of all the crimes her husband committed he doubts it was a real marriage anyway. You don't kill your children because you found out your wife was pregnant again, even if you are just scraping by financially. Killing your children should never even come up! Period! Point blank!

He couldn't believe that Johanna would let him believe this lie about Kate causing her accident. It's because of that, that he hates her so much but it was for nothing. He started their relationship off bad by how he approached her in the bridal shop and from then on it's been nothing but sexually tense hatred. It's his fault and now that he knows the truth he has to fix it. He has feelings for Kate and they've done nothing but grown stronger and stronger with each passing hour. He at least has to let her know how he feels about her and then of course…beg for forgiveness. He was an ass to her when she never even deserved it.

Her husband killed her children. Wow. He knew she had her demons but this…he never would've expected this. And then she has a miscarriage because her mother blamed her for her accident. Alexis was his heart, he couldn't imagine losing his heart three times. Not only her children but her husband, father, and mother. He never knew why Jim left. He always assumed it was because Johanna had her accident and he couldn't be with her anymore but no. It was a much more cowardly story than that.

He's mad. No he's fucking pissed actually. Castle's still standing in the kitchen but when all her heard was silence from the other room he left out the back way through the kitchen. He thinks he'll just stay in the guest house for the rest of the day. He has no right to talk to Kate about this and he doesn't even want to look at Johanna. He just needs time to work through how he's going to deal with this. But he knows one thing. He won't let it stop him from being with Kate. If she decides to leave again he'll have to talk her out of it. It's the only way.

* * *

Kate still has her head laying in her mothers lap while Johanna gently strokes her hair. She's calmed down since earlier but letting out everything she has, has done nothing for her. She feels no relief, no happiness from her mothers apology. Nothing. In fact she still has anger built up, waiting to be released. She still doesn't understand why her mother did what she did? No excuse will every be good enough. She lost her child because of her. Nothing will ever be enough.

She doesn't want to fight. Fighting is what got them into this mess in the first place. She thinks it'll just be best if she went home. There's nothing for her here. She won't disappear completely, she'll stay in touch with certain family members but not many. She doesn't want anything to do with anyone. Especially not her mother. Brent, she can talk to once in a while and maybe even Kevin and Javier but that's it no one else. Definitely not Rick because he hates her and probably more since she just embarrassed his best friend in front of her entire family. Not to mention all the baggage she has. Who would want to be with someone who's been through as much as she has? No one. No one _normal _anyway.

Kate slowly slid out of her mothers lap and sat on her legs in the floor in front of her chair.

"I think I should go," she spoke quietly. Kate's hair is down and flat against her face, hr eyes are red and puffy but she still finds it within herself to stand up and walk away with her head held high.

Half way up the stairs Johanna spoke up. "Wait." Kate turned but didn't look at her mother. "Don't go. We can fix this Katie. I lost you once and I don't want to again."

"I'll forgive you when your husband kills your children and your father beats you and your mother disowns you. Only then will you know what I feel." She continued to walk upstairs to her bedroom.

She packed all her bags with new tears flowing down her cheeks. It's just like the first time she left. Her mother cowered in a corner and nobody here to stop her from zipping the last bag and from walking out the front door. She'll leave Brent a note of course promising to call once she got home but who else does she have to say goodbye too? Aunt Deborah? Uncle Weston? Whatever. They didn't seemed all that thrilled to have her back anyway. To them it was just like she went on a long vacation and just forgot to call. Gone for six years and her uncle still treats her like she's a little girl with a crush.

Will Rick miss her? Most likely not. Then what was that kiss? Why did he do it? Simply to satisfy his curiosity? Or was it something more? Well, if it was something more it's certainly gone now. There's no way he didn't hear her yelling at Johanna.

Kate tossed on her coat and wrapped her scarf around her neck. She's ready but she wants to take something to eat for the travel. She carries her bags downstairs and drops them by the front door and heads into the kitchen. Everyone who was in the living room before the whole fiasco is in there comforting Johanna. She hears someone say something about how could she do something like that to her daughter and Kate smiles. At least Kevin stuck up for her. She tries to get by unnoticed but of course once one person sees her they all do and the kitchen gets eerily quiet. She ignores it.

Kate takes some soup in a to go bowl and a cup of coffee in a travel mug. She's set.

"Goodbye everyone. It was honestly nice seeing you again," she spoke to everyone walking out. She threw her bags over her shoulders and had the mug in hand. Outside the cold doesn't hit her as it should so she knows it probably won't be that hard of a travel to get back to New York. She'll probably move somewhere else, maybe out of country, just so no one can stop by for an impromptu visit.

She walks up the wood lining the huge property and looks out at the water. To her right she hears footsteps but doesn't bother turning. The guest house is in that direction so she can only imagine who is walking up to her right now. When the footsteps get closer butterflies gather in her stomach and her heart decides to beat twice as fast.

"You're leaving?" he asked, the despair in his voice making her heart sink. But she won't show it.

She turned to face him. "Yes," she said simply.

"No you can't. Don't leave. Why are you leaving?"

"I'm assuming you heard what I said to Johanna." He was quiet for a moment so Kate continued. "That's why I'm leaving. I can't stand to be here with her."

"Then don't stay for her. Stay for those family members who want you here and who missed you when you left."

"None of them did!" She yelled taking a step closer to him. "They all saw me getting ready to leave and no one said anything! They don't want me."

Castle had to bite his tongue to keep from saying that he wanted her.

"Can I at least…take you where you need to go? Call it my apology for falsely accusing you."

Kate shook her head. "That wasn't your fault. She wanted you to think I did it."

"But still. I started off as a jack ass before I even knew who you were. I didn't talk to you about it either. I chose to be disrespectful. That's what I'm apologizing for."

Kate bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. "Apology accepted."

"So where are you going?" He asked bending down to pick up her bags.

"Train station."

"I'll drive you. Come on my trucks in the garage in the guest house."

Why is he being so nice? It can't only be that he feels bad for being an arrogant asshole, it must go deeper than that. But then again she doesn't want to think about it. It'll only lead to trouble.

They walk up the slight hill to the guest house in silence with Kate trailing behind just a little. Castle put bags in the back then opened the passenger side door for her.

"Thanks," she mumbled lowly before sliding in.

"Are you cold? I'm freezing," he said when he shut the door and started the truck.

"No. I don't get cold that easily."

"Lucky you."

For a while they rode in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Castle's about what he can say to make Kate stay and Kate's about the kiss in the kitchen. Eventually Castle drifts to the same subject and he remembers how warm her mouth was against his. And how he felt so many electric things at once flowing through his body by the smallest contact with her body.

The temperature in the car is rising….fast.

"It's warm now," he muttered clearing his throat. Both of them went to turn off the heat at the same time. "How is it that your hands are still freezing?"

"They don't feel cold." She looked at her hands as if she could see coldness.

"They are. Here." Castle reached over and grabbed one of her hands with his free one and began to rub it. His hands are a thousand times warmer than hers but still there's a spark and both of them feel it. They both turn to look at each other but quickly look away. Castle didn't let go of her hand though. "Having your hands this cold is the quickest way to get sick."

"I don't get sick."

"Riiiight. Are you going back to New York?"

"Yes. All my belongings are there." His hands are warm, Kate thought. She never realized how cold it was until he started to warm her hand. She put her other hand in the mix but didn't speak about it. Castle noticed but didn't say anything either.

"I've always wanted to go."

"Are we really making small talk?" she scoffed.

Castle chuckled lightly. "What else are we supposed to do?"

Kate instantly drew a picture of what else they could be doing.

_Why is she acting like such a sex freak?_

She isn't normally like this.

"Let's just not talk."

About a half hour later Castle dropped Kate off at the train station. He helped carry her bags inside but that's as far as she let him get. He's forgiven, she isn't really concerned with him right now. She has bigger problems on her plate than to deal with something as minor as this situation with Rick.

"There's no way I can convince you to stay?" he asked one last time.

"Why do you want me to stay? And don't use that people will miss me excuse. _You_. Why do you want me to stay?"

He didn't answer. He just stared at her with those bug blue eyes of his. She couldn't look away. Then he gently caressed her cheek with his thumb before mumbling something about having a safe trip.

"Can you at least let me know that you got home safely? Otherwise I'll drive myself crazy."

Does he have feelings for her? Like, actual feelings for her. More than the obvious attraction they have between them. No. no he can't. They don't even know each other. But there's really only one way to find out. And why shouldn't she do it? It's not like she'll ever seen him again.

Kate took a step closer to him then leaned in and kissed him on the side of his mouth. She never answered his question but just gathered her bags and walked away. She never looked back to see him leave her.

* * *

_Six Minutes Later_

She doesn't have any money. SHIT! She doesn't have any money. How is she supposed to buy her ticket? How is she supposed to get home? What is she going to do?

_Fuck!_

Kate walked out of the train station and began walking back in the direction of her mothers house. But she doesn't want to go back there. So she went the other way. She walked for what felt like miles and miles of nothing but road. No cars drove past and eventually the sky darkened to a misty grey.

She usually never gets cold but an hour into her walk she was freezing. It was like her skin was being bitten by how cold it is.

Rosie's. she has a job at Rosie's and she starts on Monday. She could work for a few weeks until she can get the money to get home. Even though by the time she gets there she most likely would have been evicted and someone would've found her life saving hidden in her closet. Maybe she's gonna end up staying longer than usual.

About another ten minutes and Kate came across this abandoned shed thingy. It looked dark and unstable but it would have to do for the night until she can figure out her living arrangements. She climbed the stairs and walked in. inside was small but it had the basic functions of a house. Kitchen, bathroom, bedroom. Nothing worked though. The stove ran on gas so she could light a fire easily but there was no electricity. The owners however did leave a mattress on the floor. All other furniture was taken though.

This would have to do. Kate used a lighter she had buried in her bag to make a fire and laid on the bed until she could fall asleep. Despite the fire it was still cold so her mind kept drifting to the warmth of Castle's hand. She wished he were here with her now.

Whoa. Does she really want that? Yes she does. She won't deny it any longer. She likes him but she has too much going on in her life right now to worry about a little crush. Plus she doubts he would like her if he found out that she kills people. What a major turn off.

She finally fell asleep with Castle on her mind.

* * *

**Haha! Little does Kate know that Castle works at Rosie's too. :) Oops. I've said too much!**


	20. Chapter 20

**No ****_Out of the Grey _****today. This week was hectic, I didn't have time to write it. For those of you who follow my stories I have a surprise for you. (Evil Laugh)**

The next morning while Castle was getting ready to go to the hardware store he got a visit from Johanna. He hasn't spoken to her since her and Kate had their falling out yesterday afternoon. He just isn't ready yet to talk to her. He's mad at her for letting him think such bad things about Kate. If it wasn't for this lie he's sure him and Kate would get along great. Maybe even dating. He can tell that there's something there and Kate's fighting it. If they had started out right, friendly with the amount of tension is between them, there isn't a doubt in his mind that they would be seeing each other.

So having Johanna drop by while he's still working through these things isn't helping at all. It most likely would delay him forgiving her. But maybe she can explain it better to him than she did to Kate. If she could make him understand maybe just maybe he'll be able to forgive her. But no time soon. What she did to him was wrong and what she did to Kate was even worse. It'll take a while but it can be achieved.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked after Deborah, who wheeled her here, walked away.

"Of course. Come in." He stepped aside to let her wheel in.

"What's up?"

"I know you heard the things that were said yesterday."

"I don't wanna know anything about Kate." Lie. Big fat lie and he knows it. He's wanted to get to know her since he met her. He could tell she was going to special. Kate's one of those people you meet once in a lifetime because she's just so special. He had to know her. "If she wanted me to know the things she said yesterday she would've told me. She hasn't therefore don't tell me."

"I wasn't. I wanted to apologize for lying to you."

"Yeah. That was a big lie you told me. I wanna know why though Jo. How could you do that to your only daughter? You dragged her name through the mud and now you have her own family turning against her. There's always someone whispering about her."

Johanna put her head down and hands together. "I wanted someone to blame. And she was an easy target. I hadn't spoken to her since my accident and then she left for six years. I didn't even know she was alive until Harriet called us. I saw that as my opportunity to make things right."

"Why didn't you just tell the truth? Jim knocked you down the stairs."

"I don't know. I guess it 'cause I was angry at her. I was suffering too. She isn't the only one who lost people. I lost my grandchildren, my husband, my daughter, my career, and my legs." Johanna started tearing up. "She was mad at me because I was grieving inwardly and not paying her any attention. I was embarrassed! She thought I was shutting her out, I wasn't. I hurt her more than anyone and I couldn't face her. I let you think that Kate pushed me because I was angry at her for thinking so selfishly. She never stopped to consider how I felt at the time."

"Wow Jo."

"I'm not saying that makes what I did excusable. I'm saying that in the heat of the moment I chose Kate to blame because she did hurt me. I'd lost so much already I didn't need to lose her too."

"I understand," Rick said crossing his arms and leaning against the counter. "I'm gonna need time though."

"Of course. I just wanted you to know."

He gave her a half hearted smile and slight nod as she wheeled herself back outside. He appreciates Johanna's point of view now that he's heard her side but to him it still doesn't justfy her actions. Ignoring her daughter caused her to have a miscarriage. Having another child might have been just the thing Kate needed at the time to continue having faith. It would've been a miracle, a blessing amongst all the problems going on around her. If Johanna would've at least explained to her that she was working through something internally rather than ignoring her. All this is based off of choices people made. It could've been avoided if they had just made the smarter choices. But it's none of his business nor his place to judge.

* * *

Kate woke up this morning feeling dizzy and she had the worst headache ever. It felt as if someone was bashing needles into the back of her skull. She got out of her bed and relit the gas stove to warm up the place. She kissed Rick twice yesterday. Something she never thought she'd let happen. She smiles at the thought. They kissed! With the exception of Paul, she hasn't been kissed like that since…she doesn't remember when. And by someone she actually cares about.

Did she just admit that? Yeah she did. In her mind she can't deny that she has feelings for him but she won't admit it out loud. And especially not to him. Even though he might know since she kissed him yesterday. Why did she do that? Simply because she knew she wouldn't ever see him again? Or is it more? Oh wait. Yeah it is more. She likes him! It just keeps dawning on her that she's accepted it.

Kate dresses quickly and make sure she bundles up because she doesn't know how long the walk is from here to Rosie's. but first she has to stop at a drugstore. She needs toothpaste.

To her surprise she makes it into town within fifteen minutes. She figures the walk from train station seemed longer because it got darker while she was out there. She went in and swiftly located the hygienic aisle. She looked both ways before tucking the tube in her coat. While she was there she also grabbed a box of condoms. Not that she'd need them… or is thinking about using them… she just got them as insurance…

Despite her having no money she didn't leave her house completely penniless. She has two dollars and that's enough to buy two tubes of chap stick so no one would suspect her of stealing if she just came in and walked right back out.

"Terrible weather we're having. I swear I can't feel my fingers," Kate said when she came up to the counter.

"I know. We are selling mittens. Two for five?"

"No thanks. I've got mine in the car."

"'Kay. Here you go." The woman behind the counter gave her chap sticks along with a receipt.

"Thanks. Have a nice day."

She feels so disgusted with herself. Never in her life has she ever stolen. But what is she supposed to do? She's homeless right now. All she has is what Esposito packed for her. Maybe she didn't _need _to steal condoms but they seemed like a good idea at the time. But she should put them back. It would look weird going back in right now though.

An hour later Kate showed up for work at Rosie's Book Room. Rosie was there waiting for her to show up. She wasn't late. In fact she was a few minutes early.

"Morning," she greeted Kate. "We've already got a few kids in the play room. Their mothers drop them off and come back around three to pick them up."

"So it's a library and a daycare?"

"No. But I do help those who need it. If you don't mind. You like kids right?"

"Love."

"Great. Your shift ends at four when the gentleman gets here. Part time right?"

"Actually. I'm free now so I can be here full time. But it might still be helpful to have help. Especially when it comes to the kids. I know from experience that it's not easy by yourself. Even if it is just for a couple hours."

"Yeah. I'll let him know." Rosie reached behind the check up counter and grabbed a set of keys. "One is for the building, the blue one is for the restrooms, and the yellow is for the playroom. All need to be locked when you leave. I'll be in every few days to check up. Parents who leave there kids have to leave a number so they can be contacted and food for their child. If they don't the child can't stay. Simple as that. You know how to check out and use the scanner right?"

Kate nodded. She doesn't think she'll get a word in anyway.

"I'll explain uniforms at four when your partner gets here. Cute guy too. You might like him. Anyway. We open in about twenty minutes. I'll leave you to it until four okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks. If something happens how do I-"

"My number is taped to the bottom of the computer screen. So my husbands."

"Okay. I can handle it from here. You can go on home. And thank you for giving me this job. I know people are hard to truth these days."

"You seem like a trust worthy young woman. Well I'll see you." Rosie left leaving Kate to manage the library and the kids in the playroom by herself. No pressure at all. She can handle this. She's worked at a library before and she loves children so this should be a piece of cake.

She's only worried because she desperately needs this job in order to get back home. She needs enough to get her a temporary apartment. So she'll be in Montana for the next couple of months until then. But she can't help but wonder if in those months will someone from her family find out that she's still here? She hopes not because that's the last thing that she needs.

* * *

_**3:45pm**_

Oh my goodness she wants to rip her hair out so bad!

These kids, these kids are driving her crazy! Their mothers dropped them off about two hours ago and haven't been back. There's two girls and three boys. Two of the boys won't stop fighting. She's pulled them off each other six times today. Six! And it was over who got to play with the fire truck. One of the girls, Amanda, is a kid genius. She's four years ago and Kate swears the kid knows more about Astronomy than she does. She talks like she ten years ago and has the mind of Einstein. All she's been doing all day is reading the science books (the ones with the large font words) and talking Kate's ear off.

The two year old she can tell just stared talking maybe six to eight months ago. He's saying the same words and when he learned her name he just calls it repeatedly. And when she doesn't respond? He screams. At the top of his lungs. He says this "Kate! (mumble mumble mumble mumble) Okay? Kate! (mumble mumble mommy. Mumble)." She isn't making this up. That's what he does.

When is her help going to get here? It's hard looking after these kids and checking out books when people come in. maybe she should talk to Rosie about a self check out station. They have them in all major libraries.

"Hey!" she heard someone shout from the front of the place. She keeps forgetting that people come in all the time.

When she walked out she saw Rosie standing by the counter taking off her coat. "Hi. That guy you were talking about isn't here yet."

"Yes I am," said the man just walking in. he was shaking snow out of his hair and facing downward so Kate can't see his face. But she doesn't need to see it to know the man that just walked through the door. She could spit him from miles away. A part of her is excited but another part skeptical about how she feels about this. It was her intention to forget about him. She never wanted to see him again after she kissed him at the train station. "I'm not late. It's only ten to four."

"We know. It just looks like Katie has been having a hard time," Rosie said.

The mention of her name had Rick looking up immediately. Since Kate still hasn't decided how she felt about this she didn't look him in the eyes but she knows he's looking.

"Alright now that we're all here I wanna tell you guys about the naughty uniform. Either of you do something bad," she went into the back closet behind the check out desk. "You'll end up in this." She pulled out kaki pants with a bright blue polo shirt. That's not the bad part. On the back of the shirt in big bold yellow letter it says "I've Been A Naughty Turtle." Then Rosie pulled out a hat that strapped under the chin like a helmet that had a stuffed turtle attached to it. Wearing it would truly be humiliating.

"And trust me when I say I have eyes everywhere. I'll know if you do something bad. So don't. I have two sets. Each one for both of your sizes. Otherwise wear what you want as long as it's appropriate. Alright both of you know the drill. Call me if something happens." Rosie left, leaving both of them alone. Well, minus the kids in the next room.

After a two minute session of awkwardness Rick finally spoke. "How've you been?"

"I'll work with the kids. You manage the counter." Kate went to walk back into the playroom but he spoke up stopping her.

"Wait. You've been with them all day. Let me."

She sighed, annoyed but happy he said so inside. "Fine."

Rick didn't say anything else to her as he walked in the playroom.


End file.
